i don't know much about computers, so i appreciate you guys' help! I will try to make this quick and painless since i've been sitting here trying to fix this for 5 hours now..
While auto-updating my laptop froze. i let it sit for at least a half hour without change so did a hard reboot. everything went downhill from there, i cannot boot it in normal mode without it crashing with (most often) the attached jpeg bsod. just a few days before the update my friend went through my whole computer and defragmented, sorted, anti-virused, and basically made everything smooth and pretty. So it's not a virus or bug- it's something with the update being interrupted. From here on out all my troubleshooting has been in safe mode with networking. in the F8 menu I have attempted to restore to last known successful thingy and it worked at first with limited network access but has not worked since, getting the same bsod. i tried the chk thingy twice and both times it ran slow at first, then sped through a bunch of text and disappeared. i tried the fix it thingy on microsoft's site but it doesn't like me in safe mode. i also tried their troubleshooting thingy which basically said, 'yeah there's something wrong with your update and we can't fix it'. sigh.
I have in fact read so many bsod-related and win update-related threads/replies before posting this one that i cannot recall everything i have tried. needless to say i haven't seen a post with a solution, so if it's an 'easy' or relatively simple repair process, i have most likely tried it already :/
I really don't wanna ghost it or return my beloved laptop to factory settings. The suggestions i've gotten so far that i've been hesitant to try include the memtest/imaging it. i'd like to resolve this some other way if possible! i also attached the requested zip file. thank you for your time