Jokes Thread 2

Three priests back home in Lapland met in an ecumenical meeting. After the meeting was over, they went together to have a cup of coffee before returning to their respective homes. They started to talk about the collect, how they deal with the collected money after Sunday services.

The youngest one wanted to show how clever he is. He told two older colleagues he uses heads and tails method; heads to the God, tails he keeps. Both older gentlemen looked at her amused.

Next distinguished gentleman told two others he belives God lives in the Bible; he drops the money on top of the Bible and what stays on Bible, is for God and rest he keeps to himself. Younger priest looks and says "Awesome! I have to try that".

The oldest from group is even more amused. "You young idiots! I can see your faith is not so strong than mine. I believe God must decide over everything, also how much he wants from the collect. That's why I leave all the money on the table in my chambers after Sunday services, and tell to God in my prayer to take what he needs. When I come to church then following morning, I'll keep the money God has left on the table."

Was sent this from my cousin back east.
New TSA PinUP Calendar........just a few photo's to be shown.
Hope this doesn't offend anyone.......just thought it was humorous.
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BrightBlessings said:

Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have
a last night on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel.

The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her
manager, 'go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in
each bed.

These two are so old and drunk, i'm not wasting two of my girls on them.
They won't know the difference.'

the manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take
care of their business.

As they are walking home the first man says,
'you know, i think my girl was dead!'

'dead?' says his friend, 'why do you say that?'

'well, she never moved or made a sound all the time i was loving her.'
his friend says, 'could be worse i think mine was a witch..'

'a witch ??. . Why the hell would you say that?'
'well, i was making love to her, kissing her on the neck, and i gave her
a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window.....


And she took my
teeth with her!"

So that's where my teeth are!

evil c said:

Fastest Gun in the West

Phone Man said:

What's sad about 5 Lawyers going over a cliff in a 1956 Buick.


The Buick seats 6.

Jim

The sad thing is the loss of a vintage classic automobile.

A Little Christmas Story


When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Not a lot of people know this

The Howling Wolves said:

A Little Christmas Story


When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.
Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.
Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor.. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
Not a lot of people know this

Awesome