Jokes Thread 2

"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl......

Excellent Doc

Pebbly

Good form!

Was this Doc when he realised that she was in fact a he?

pebbly said:

You Are My First

He whips down his pants and says... " Look at this, it's still in the
CRATE!"

Reminds me of my first wife... First time, I asked if I was the first man she has had sex with.

"I'm not sure. You look familiar, though, so it's possible", she answered.

very good Dwarf and Kari

Is it just me, or were the last 2 pages deja vu? A Guy

The suicide joke was a repeat.

Indigestion probably caused a peat and repeat. Sort of like hot dogs do me!
Mike

The Sierra Club and the U.S. Forest Service were presenting an alternative to the Wyoming ranchers for controlling the coyote population. It seems that after years of the ranchers using the tried and true method of shooting or trapping the predators, the Sierra Club had a "more humane" solution to this issue.

What they were proposing was for the animals to be captured alive.
The males would then be castrated and let loose again.
This was ACTUALLY proposed by the Sierra Club and by the U.S. Forest Service.
All of the ranchers thought about this amazing idea for a couple of minutes.

Finally an old fellow wearing a big cowboy hat in the back of the conference room stood up, tipped his hat back and said; "Son, I don't think you understand our problem here... these coyotes ain't ****in' our sheep... they're eatin''em!"

The meeting never really got back to order.

I live in the hills of Illinois. There are only about six total.
There is no place in Illinois as described as Aug. 12 or Oct. 14.

This fellow probably moved to southwest Missouri but didn't know where he was.

Iseeuu can attest to that.


Aug. 12 - Moved into our new home in Illinois . It is so beautiful here. The hills and river valleys are so picturesque. I have a beautiful old oak tree in my front yard. Can hardly wait to see the change in the seasons. This is truly God's Country.

Oct. 14 - Illinois is such a gorgeous place to live, one of the real special places on Earth. The leaves are turning a multitude of different colors. I love all of the shades of reds, oranges and yellows, they are so bright. I want to walk through all of the beautiful hills and spot some white tail deer.. They are so graceful, certainly they must be the most peaceful creatures on Earth. This must be paradise.

Nov. 11 - Deer season opens this week. I can't imagine why anyone would want to shoot these elegant animals. They are the very symbol of peace and tranquility here in Illinois . I hope it snows soon. I love it here!

Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. I woke to the usual wonderful sight: everything covered in a beautiful blanket of white. The oak tree is magnificent. It looks like a postcard. We went out and swept the snow from the steps and driveway. The air is so crisp, clean and refreshing. We had a snowball fight. I won, and the snowplow came down the street. He must have gotten too close to the driveway because we had to go out and shovel the end of the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Nature in harmony. I love it here!

Dec. 12 - More snow last night. I love it! The plow did his cute little trick again. What a rascal. A winter wonderland. I love it here!

Dec. 19 - More snow - couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work in time. I'm exhausted from all of the shoveling. And that snowplow!

Dec. 21 - More of that white shxx coming down. I've got blisters on my hands and a kink in my back. I think that the snowplow driver waits around the corner until I'm done shoveling the driveway. Assxxxx.

Dec. 25 - White Christmas? More freakin' snow. If I ever get my hands on the sonxxxxxch who drives that snowplow, I swear I'll castrate him. And why don't they use more salt on these roads to melt this crap??

Dec. 28 - It hasn't stopped snowing since Christmas. I have been inside since then, except of course when that SOB "Snowplow Harry" comes by. Can't go anywhere, cars are buried up to the windows. Weather man says to expect another 10 inches. Do you have any idea how many shovelfuls 10 inches is??

Jan. 1 - Happy New Year? The way it's coming down it won't melt until the 4th of July! The snowplow got stuck down the road and the shxxhead actually had the balls to come and ask to borrow a shovel! I told him I'd broken 6 already this season.

Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house. We went to the store to get some food and a goxxxmn deer ran out in front of my car and I hit the basxxxd. It did $3,000 in damage to the car. Those beasts ought to be killed. The hunters should have a longer season if you ask me.

Jan. 27 - Warmed up a little and rained today. The rain turned the snow into ice and the weight of it broke the main limb of the oak tree in the front yard and it went through the roof. I should have cut that old piece of shix into fireplace wood when I had the chance.

May 23 - Took my car to the local garage. Would you believe the whole underside of the car is rusted away from all of that damn salt they dump on the road? Car looks like a bashed up, heap of rusted cow shxx.

June 10 - Sold the car, the house, and moved to Florida . I can't imagine why anyone in their freakin' mind would ever want to live in the God forsaken State of Illinois.

Me neither!