Jokes Thread 2

Puns for Educated Minds ..............................







1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired hissize from too much pi.



2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.



3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.



4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.



5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.



6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.



7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.



8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.



9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.



10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.



11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.



12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'



13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.



14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'



15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.



16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.



17. A backward poet writes inverse.



18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.



19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.



20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.



21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'



22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'



23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.



24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'



25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.


26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.........

Friendship among Women:

A woman didn't come home one night.
The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends.
None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:

A man didn't come home one night.
The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's House.
The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there

DocBrown said:

Puns for Educated Minds ..............................

I love 'm, Doc!

derekimo said:

Good ol' Grandma!

Grandma's first flight

Aboard an El Al flight from Israel to America, Grandma Esther was taking her very first flight. They had only been aloft a few minutes when the old lady complained to the stewardess that her ears were popping.

The girl smiled and gave the older woman some chewing gum, assuring her that many people experienced the same discomfort.

When they landed in New York, Grandma thanked the stewardess. "The chewing gum worked fine," she said, "but tell me, how do I get it out of my ears"?



By Gum! By Gum!


.

Great comeback!