Puns to brighten your day

Some may amuse.......although some you have heard.

*A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.*

*Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.*

*Practice safe eating - always use condiments.*

*Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death.*

*A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.*

*A hangover is the wrath of grapes.*

*Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.*

*Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?*

*Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.*

*Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.*

*When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.*

*A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.*

*What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead give away.)*

*Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.*

*In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.*

*She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.*

*A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.*

*If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.*

*With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.*

*The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.*

*You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.*

*Local Area Network in Australia - the LAN down under.*

*Every calendar's days are numbered.*

*A lot of money is tainted - Taint yours and taint mine.*

*A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.*

*He had a photographic memory that was never developed.*

*A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at
large.*

*Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.*

*Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.*

*Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.*

*Acupuncture is a jab well done.*

how about this site though Puns, Puns, Puns! So Much Pun in Pictures

"I used to think I was indecisive. Now I'm not so sure."

"Hospitality is treating people like they are at home, even when you wish they were."