Angie brought wrong computer
for me and gave strickt instructions: I'm allowed to surf one hour now, then she comes back from cafeteria and takes laptop with her
. Just what I needed; my bloodpressure was about only thing still quite normal but now it's shooting through the roof.
It seems they want to open my head. I was told it would be best to do it at the end of the week, latest beginning of next week. I told I have some other plans, that we need to postpone the operation about two weeks and my neurologist went ballistic after hearing the reason. Don't understand why, he's known about my plans for some time now. Anyway, have to sign a bunch of papers tomorrow, explaining that I know what I'm doing and saying that hospital or doctors can not be held responsible if something happens.
A new world opening in front of my eyes, quite a lot to think really through. I'm extremely sad, wanting to be alone. Sent Angie to cafeteria in such a way I know I'm going to pay for that later. It's easier to type to strangers (sorry geeks, you know what I mean) now than talk to those close to me.
Just a clarification: I'm not dying. At least not yet
. Do not misunderstand my pessimistic tone. It's just that my situation has changed in a direction what was not even thought couple of months ago when it looked as if I was breaking recovery records. It's complicated, and still too personal, but it's serious. And it's happening fast. Just to give an example, last week I could take a walk without help, this morning I could no longer control my left leg. Basically, the leg is OK. My brain sends a command to leg for it to take a step, but somewhere during the "chain of command" the instructions are lost and the leg stays put, waiting orders that never come... Same thing happening with my speach; I know what I want to say but I can not get all the words out without "searching" them, so I have to speak very carefully. The nervous system is, as they say here in Germany, "Kaputt".
Bloody difficult to explain.