Jokes Thread

Borg 386 said:

I actually have a Christian computer joke......

Jesus and Satan were sitting around arguing about who was the best coder.

God appeared before them and said "I guess we'll have to decide this with a contest."

Two computers appeared before Jesus and Satan. God told them "You have 4 hours to write your code."

So Jesus and Satan began furiously coding. As the time went by, they both wrote lines and lines of code.

Suddenly, there was a flash in the sky and both computers went dead, then they rebooted. Several minutes later God yelled "STOP! Times up, lets see what you both have!"

Satan looked up and said "God, I have nothing...both our computers went dead and my code is gone."

God looked over at Jesus and said "And what do you have my son?"

Jesus hit the enter button and a beautiful screen saver came to life, filled with music and angels.

Satan's jaw dropped and he looked at the screen unbelieving. "HOW is this possible? We both lost power to our PC's"

God looked at Satan and chuckled as he said "Well, everyone knows...Jesus saves."

"There are 2 kinds of people in this world, those that save their data and those that wish they had"

they both using Linux I assume

Here's a few laws of computing by a guy named Murphy.

MURPHY’S LAWS OF COMPUTING
For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

To err is human… to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human; in fact it is downright natural.

He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

If at first you don’t succeed, blame your computer.

A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.

When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.

The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.

When the going gets tough, upgrade.

When you need to send an email quick, that’s when the modem won’t connect!

The Howling Wolves said:

Here's a few laws of computing by a guy named Murphy.

MURPHY’S LAWS OF COMPUTING
For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

To err is human… to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human; in fact it is downright natural.

He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

If at first you don’t succeed, blame your computer.

A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.

When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.

The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.

When the going gets tough, upgrade.

When you need to send an email quick, that’s when the modem won’t connect!

That's good!

Bare Foot Kid said:

That's good!

Especially this:

The Howling Wolves said:

...
When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
...

How true...

I love these two especially.

A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

Once a brand new 4 seater plane has Hitler, Stalin, Ghandi and Changhis khan in it, with Ghandi as the pilot.

Few minutes after take off, Ghandi announced that engine has developed a fatal flaw and radio is not working, so he can not inform the ground crew of the situation. He also informed his colleagues there are only 3 parachutes available and requested that he be allowed to use one of the parachute, since all the future models of the plane will have the same flaw, which can result in many tragic deaths. His comrades consulted among themselves and after a short discussion allowed Ghandi to use one parachute, for which Ghandi thanked them in hindi and jumped from the plane.

Then Changhais Khan got up and said I am the first Great Emperor of the world and the whole world needs me to save them from bloody superpowers such as America and British and i will help both of you in your fight against USA and Britian, once i get to the ground. Changhais then took one parachute hastily without permission and jumed from the plane............

Hitler then got up and then took the last parachute and gave it to Stalin. Here you go my friend, take this parachute and enjoy your life......... Stalin thanked Hitler with tears in his eyes and said i dont want to see you dead, you are a great men and world need to see you alive for history to be rewritten in your own way.

I am grateful for your sincere words, but the dumb changhais khan took my nephew school bag, instead of the parachute, so both me and you live for now, replied Hitler.

I heard this on the other day (It is a bit long but here it goes):

0101011010100001010101011101101010100010101010111101010101010010110111011010100010110111101001010101 0100001011101010101010111010101010101001010010101010010101010101010101000010101010101010101010111110 1010101010100101010101000010101001010101000101010010010100101101010100010101110110101010101101010110 1010000101010101110110101010001010101011110101010101001011011101101010001011011110100101010101000010 1110101010101011101010101010100101001010101001010101010101010100001010101010101010101011111010101010 1010010101010100001010100101010100011000100100010010100000101000000001110100011101100101011010100001 0101010111011010101000101010101111010101010100101101110110101000101101111010010101010100001011101010 1010101110101010101010010100101010100101010101010101010000101010101010101010101111101010101010100101 0101010000101010010101010001100010010001001010000010100000000111010001111111010101101010000101010101 1101101010100010101010111101010101010010110111011010100010110111101001010101010000101110101010101011 1010101010101001010010101010010101010101010101000010101010101010101010111110101010101010010101010100 0010101001010101000110001001000100101000001010000000011101000111000001010110101000010101010111011010 1010001010101011110101010101001011011101101010001011011110100101010101000010111010101010101110101010 1010100101001010101001010101010101010100001010101010101010101011111010101010101001010101010000101010 0101010100011000100100010010100000101000000001110100011111110101011010100001010101011101101010100010 1010101111010101010100101101110110101000101101111010010101010100001011101010101010111010101010101001 0100101010100101010101010101010000101010101010101010101111101010101010100101010101000010101001010101 0001100010010001001010000010100000000111010001110101010101101010000101010101110110101010001010101011 1101010101010010110111011010100010110111101001010101010000101110101010101011101010101010100101001010 1010010101010101010101000010101010101010101010111110101010101010010101010100001010100101010100011000 1001000100101000001010000000011101000111101101010110101000010101010111011010101000101010101111010101 0101001011011101101010001011011110100101010101000010111010101010101110101010101010010100101010100101 0101010101010100001010101010101010101011111010101010101001010101010000101010010101010001100010010001 0010100000101111000001110100011111110101011010100001010101011101101010100010101010111101010101010010 1101110110101000101101111010010101010100001011101010101010111010101010101001010010101010010101010101 0101010000101010101010101010101111101010101010100101010101000010101001010101000110001001000100101000 0010100000000111010001111111010101101010000101010101110110101010001010101011110101010101001011011101 1010100010110111101001010101010000101110101010101011101010101010100101001010101001010101010101010100 0010101010101010101010111110101010101010010101010100001010100101010100011000100100010010100000101011 1000011101000111110101010110101000010101010111011010101000101010101111010101010100101101110100101000 1011011110100101010101000010111010101010101110101010101010010100101010100101010101010101010000101010 1010101010101011111010101010101001010101010000101010010101010001100010010001001010000010100000000111 0100011111110101011010100001010101011101101010100010101010111101010101010010110111001010100010110111 1010010101010100001011101010101010111010101010101001010010101010010101010101010101000010101010101010 1010101111101010101010100101010101000010101001010101000110001001000100101000001010001100011101000111 1111010101101010000101010101110110101010001010101011110101010101001011011101101010001011011110100101 0101010000101110101010101011101010101010100101001010101001010101010101010100001010101010101010101011 111010101010101001010101010000101010010101010001100010010001001010000010101110000111010001111100


Hahahaha!!! What a punch line!

windowstar, i've heard that one before, it does need a better punch line

Borg 386 said:

...

"There are 2 kinds of people in this world, those that save their data and those that wish they had"

that of course should be

"There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those that save their data and those that wish they had"


- 01110111 01100001 01111001 01101110 01100101 00100000 01101011 01110010 01101111 01101110 01100011 01101011 01100101

The Howling Wolves said:

Here's a few laws of computing by a guy named Murphy.

MURPHY’S LAWS OF COMPUTING
For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.

To err is human… to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human; in fact it is downright natural.

He who laughs last probably made a back-up.

If at first you don’t succeed, blame your computer.

A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.

The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.

A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do.

When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.

The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.

When the going gets tough, upgrade.

When you need to send an email quick, that’s when the modem won’t connect!

I'll go with bold one. It's true

WindowsStar said:

I heard this on the other day (It is a bit long but here it goes):

01010110101000010101010111011010101


Hahahaha!!! What a punch line!

This is what he said:

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Get it!
;‚ŒtV¡UÚ¢«ÕRݨ·¥T.ªºª”ªUUBª& #170;¾ª¥T*U‘(+‡GÏ

lol you crack me up