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Windows 7: Jokes Thread

12 Jul 2010   #1491

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit

Excellent, Joan; and I can relate to nearly all of them.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 Jul 2010   #1492

Windows 2000 5.0 Build 2195

Do you know what joke that only gays don't know?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 Jul 2010   #1493
Joan Archer

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 32 bit/Windows 10 64bit

Nine Months Later

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. They loaded up John's minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard and they pulled into a nearby farm, asking the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house," she told them.

"Don't worry," John said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. If the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'

The lady agreed and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared so they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing but about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, "Keith, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do," said Keith.

"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?" he queried awkwardly.

"Well, um, yes," Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?" John pursued further.

Keith's face turned beet red. "Yeah. Look, I'm sorry buddy. I'm afraid I did." he said sheepishly. "Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."
My System SpecsSystem Spec

12 Jul 2010   #1494

Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit

I love it!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 Jul 2010   #1495

7 Ultimate x64, Vista Ultimate x64, 7 Pro x64, XP Pro x86, Linux Mint Nadia Cinnamon

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by joan archer View Post
"she just died and left me everything."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Jul 2010   #1496

Win 7 ultimate x64 sp1

Two Mexicans are on a bicycle about 15 miles outside of Lafayette,
Louisiana. One of the bike's tires goes flat and they start hitching a
lift back into town. A friendly trucker stops to see if he can help,
and the Mexicans ask him for a ride. He tells them he has no room in
the trailer as he is carrying 20,000 bowling balls. The Mexicans put it
to the driver that if they can manage to fit into the back with their
bike, will he take them back into town and he agrees. They manage to
squeeze themselves and their bike into the back and the driver shuts the
doors and gets on his way.

By this time he is really late and so puts the hammer down and sure
enough, a blonde cop pulls him over for speeding. The lady officer asks
the driver what he is carrying, to which the driver jokingly replies
"Mexican eggs." The Blonde Lady Cop obviously doesn't believe this so wants to take a
look in the trailer.

She opens the back door and quickly shuts it and locks it. She gets on
her radio and calls for immediate backup from as many officers as
possible plus the Swat Team. The dispatcher asks what emergency she has
that require so many officers.

"I've got a Tractor-Trailer stopped with 20,000 Mexican eggs in it. Two
have hatched and they've already managed to steal a bicycle.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Jul 2010   #1497

Windows 7 Enterprise (x64); Windows Server 2008 R2 (x64)

Bowling balls....err eh I mean mexican eggs....hahahaha
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Jul 2010   #1498

Windows® 7 Home Basic 64bit, Build 7600

Why football is played for 45 minutes in each half?
Those who thought of this must have lots of time
Why people play football for 45 minutes, not 30 minutes or 1 hour?
Even the sports scientist and some of the senior players could not give the right answer.
In that confusing situation one person came up with a reasonable and brilliant answer.

He said......." The reason people play this game for 45 minutes is...

There are 2 teams and there are 11 players in each team.
Each player brings his own "2 balls"
So in total there are 44 balls.
There is one ball on the ground itself. Thus the grand total is 45

Question Answered !!!

Sometimes there is extra time of 2 mins which is the referee's balls!

My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Jul 2010   #1499

Windows 7 Ultimate x64

A woman finds a genie's lamp. The Genie comes out and says, "You may have three wishes, but your husband will get ten times more than what you wished for."

The woman agrees. Her first wish was that she would be the most beautiful woman in the world. "You realize," the Genie said, "that your husband will be ten times more beautiful than you, and more women will gawk at him?"

"That's okay," says the woman, "He'll only look at me because I will be the most beautiful women." So the wish is granted.

Her second wish was that she would be the richest woman in the world. "You know your husband will be ten times richer, right?" the Genie asks.

"That's okay. What's mine is his and what's his is mine," replied the woman. So the wish was granted.

The woman then thinks long and hard about her last wish. She finally wishes that she had a mild heart attack.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Jul 2010   #1500

64-bit Windows 8.1 Pro
Childrens proverbs...

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. He gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb,
and asked them to come up with the rest.
Here is what the kids came up with:

People in glass houses shouldn't . . . run around naked.

Better to be safe than . . . punch a 5th grader.

Strike while the . . . bug is close.

It's always darkest before . . . daylight savings time.

Never underestimate the power of . . . termites.

You can lead a horse to water but . . . how?

Don't bite the hand that . . . looks dirty.

No news is . . . impossible.

A miss is as good as a . . . Mr.

You can't teach an old dog . . . math.

If you lie down with dogs, you . . . will stink in the morning.

Love all, trust . . . me.

The pen is mightier than . . . the pigs.

An idle mind is . . . the best way to relax.

Where there is smoke, there is . . . pollution.

Happy is the bride who . . . gets all the presents.

A penny saved is . . . not much.

Two is company, three is . . . The Musketeers.

None are so blind as . . . Helen Keller.

Children should be seen and not . . . spanked or grounded.

If at first you don't succeed . . . get new batteries.

You get out of something what you . . . see pictured on the box.

When the blind lead the blind . . . get out of the way.

There is no fool like . . . Aunt Edie.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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