Jokes Thread

Kari said:

noobvious said:

So apparently not everyone is seeing the same thing from that link, so instead, I am going to post a snip of the image that came up.

That explains why I've gained some weight...

mmmmm The "immaculate 3D conception" now that's a new one

It's NOT how I had our baby... mine was the old fashion way.

LADYPINKtomato1 said:

It's NOT how I had our baby... mine was the old fashion way.

You didn't name her Tootie (2D) did you?

A Guy

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO way.. in fact I changed the name we had picked out
to use when I saw her.. it just didn't fit... so her name became Debra Lynn..
she is known as Deb.

The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

I ordered a burger at McDonald's, and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you have to call them and ask if they mean you or them .

Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 'ouncer'.

Parents in Beverly Hills and Malibu are firing their nannies and learning their children's names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

BP Oil laid off 25 Congressmen.

Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, and our bleak future, that I called the Suicide Lifeline and was connected to a call center in Pakistan . When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

whs said:

The economy is so bad that I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

I ordered a burger at McDonald's, and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you have to call them and ask if they mean you or them .

Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 'ouncer'.

Parents in Beverly Hills and Malibu are firing their nannies and learning their children's names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

BP Oil laid off 25 Congressmen.

Congress says they are looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally...

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, and our bleak future, that I called the Suicide Lifeline and was connected to a call center in Pakistan . When I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Now those are funny :)


Steve

Gloria the blonde once heard that milk baths would make you beautiful.

She left a note for her milkman Alan to leave 15 gallons of milk.
When Alan read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.

He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the order.

Gloria came to the door, and Alan said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"

Gloria said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."

Alan asked, "Oh, alright, would you like it pasteurized?"

Gloria replied, "No, just up to my waist."

A man and a woman had been married for 10 years, but the wife was starting to get annoyed with her husbands habit of making love in total darkness.

Since their wedding night he had insisted on making love only when all the lights were out and she finally decided she would see what was going on.

Just as they were about to start, she switched on the light and there, to her surprise, was her husband holding a cucumber where his organ should have been.

"You sneaky worthless SOB!" she screamed, "All these years you've been doing this, I have a good mind to leave you right now and call my lawyer!"

The husband just looked at her and commented:

"Speaking of sneaky, how do you explain our 3 kids?"

Some excellent, funny jokes being posted.

Thanks for giving me a good laugh.

Jon

From rugged north-western Pakistan where the battle with the Taliban rages comes such a gem of pragmatic Imagination....