Jokes Thread

Borg 386 said:

Tail gunner for Budweiser!

Great...but who's gonna keep an eye on you?

For all you Dell users.....

Hired Hand

The Banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty year old rancher, in town.

Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumour had it that he was marrying a 'Mail Order Bride.' Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumour was true.

Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom 'How Old' the new bride to be was.
Tom proudly said, "She'll be twenty one in November."

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty year old man.

Wanting his old friends remaining years to be happy, the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take it's course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.
About four months later, the banker fan into Tom in town again.
"How's the new wife?" asked the banker.
Tom proudly said, "She's pregnant!"
The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, "And how's the hired hand."

Without hesitating, Tom said, "She's pregnant, too!"

steve-pressman said:

Hired Hand

The Banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty year old rancher, in town.

Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumour had it that he was marrying a 'Mail Order Bride.' Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumour was true.

Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom 'How Old' the new bride to be was.
Tom proudly said, "She'll be twenty one in November."

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty year old man.

Wanting his old friends remaining years to be happy, the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take it's course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.
About four months later, the banker fan into Tom in town again.
"How's the new wife?" asked the banker.
Tom proudly said, "She's pregnant!"
The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, "And how's the hired hand."

Without hesitating, Tom said, "She's pregnant, too!"

CarlTR6 said:

steve-pressman said:

Hired Hand

The Banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty year old rancher, in town.

Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumour had it that he was marrying a 'Mail Order Bride.' Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumour was true.

Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom 'How Old' the new bride to be was.
Tom proudly said, "She'll be twenty one in November."

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty year old man.

Wanting his old friends remaining years to be happy, the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take it's course.

Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.
About four months later, the banker fan into Tom in town again.
"How's the new wife?" asked the banker.
Tom proudly said, "She's pregnant!"
The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, "And how's the hired hand."

Without hesitating, Tom said, "She's pregnant, too!"

Are we referring to Tews here?

Wasn't someone in 7F taking driver's ed?


Now you have to figure out who is the instructor and who is the student!

The Howling Wolves said:

Wasn't someone in 7F taking driver's ed?


Now you have to figure out who is the instructor and who is the student!

Patience is a virtue


A woman in a super market is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson.

It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy, boy."

Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Gramps says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.

She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."

"Thanks, lady," said the grandfather, "but I'm William . .. . the little ba****d's name is Steve."

LADYPINKtomato1 said:

Patience is a virtue


A woman in a super market is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson.

It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy, boy."

Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Gramps says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.

She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."

"Thanks, lady," said the grandfather, "but I'm William . .. . the little ba****d's name is Steve."

LADYPINKtomato1 said:

Patience is a virtue


"Thanks, lady," said the grandfather, "but I'm William . .. . the little ba****d's name is Steve."