Jokes Thread

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  1. Posts : 17,322
    Win 10 Pro x64
       #501

    madtownidiot said:
    An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drug store and buys a pregnancy kit.
    The test result shows that the girl is pregnant! Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"
    The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house.
    He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning; your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
    Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account.
    If a boy is born, my legacy will be two factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they each will receive a factory and $2,000,000.
    However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You f*** her again."
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  2. Posts : 1,470
    Windows 7 Ultimate Signature Edition
       #502

    Lil' Domii said:
    valtonray said:
    yeah i've actually done a few of those things
    What, Certain LEGOs will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy such as you
    actually i still get in trouble for throwing things into the ceiling fan to see how far away it gets hit.
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  3. Posts : 3,822
    Windows10 Pro - 64Bit vs.10547
       #503

    what's orange and sounds like a parrot?

    - a carrot!
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  4. Posts : 10
    Windows Seven Starter
       #504

    Did you hear about the circus fire?
    It was in tents!

    A baby seal walks into a club...
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  5.    #505

    A father and his son were flying Southwest Airlines from Oakland to Kansas City.

    The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his father and said: "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?

    The father, who couldn't think of an answer, told his son to ask the flight attendant.

    So, the little boy asked the flight attendant: "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

    The flight attendant asked: "Did your daddy tell you to ask me that?"

    He nodded.

    With a clever grin, she said: "Tell your daddy it's because Southwest Airlines always pulls out on time."
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  6. Posts : 5,840
    Vista Ult64, Win7600
       #506

    ChrisYoung said:
    Did you hear about the circus fire?
    It was in tents!

    A baby seal walks into a club...
    Talking about Seals.


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  7. Posts : 1,470
    Windows 7 Ultimate Signature Edition
       #507

    madtownidiot said:
    A father and his son were flying Southwest Airlines from Oakland to Kansas City.

    The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his father and said: "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?

    The father, who couldn't think of an answer, told his son to ask the flight attendant.

    So, the little boy asked the flight attendant: "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

    The flight attendant asked: "Did your daddy tell you to ask me that?"

    He nodded.

    With a clever grin, she said: "Tell your daddy it's because Southwest Airlines always pulls out on time."
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  8. Posts : 906
    Win 7 pro 64-bit, Ubuntu 9.10 64-bit
       #508

    jfar said:
    ChrisYoung said:
    Did you hear about the circus fire?
    It was in tents!

    A baby seal walks into a club...
    Talking about Seals.


    Is that Barman's avatar?
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  9. Posts : 17,322
    Win 10 Pro x64
       #509

    jfar said:
    ChrisYoung said:
    Did you hear about the circus fire?
    It was in tents!

    A baby seal walks into a club...
    Talking about Seals.


    Naw that's just some ice cream.
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  10. Posts : 10
    Windows Seven Starter
       #510

    jfar said:
    ChrisYoung said:
    Did you hear about the circus fire?
    It was in tents!

    A baby seal walks into a club...
    Talking about Seals.


    WUT. I don't get it... Halp?
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