Jokes Thread

harry5 said:

Paddy's fingers

Paddy was working at the fish plant in Cork when he accidentally
cut off all 10 of his fingers.

He went to the emergency room in Cork 's hospital.

The doctor looked at Paddy and said, 'Lets be avin' da fingers and I'll see what oi can do'.

Paddy said,
'Oi haven't got da fingers.'

'Whadda ya mean you haven't got da fingers?
Lord Tunderin' Jesus, it's 2008!
We's got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques.
I could have put dem back on and made you like new!
Why didn't ya bring da fingers?!?'

And Paddy said,

' How da fock was I 'spose to pick them up !!!

Oh that's so silly it's funny. :)

jfar said:

Takes out notebook and makes a note of name, harry5, mmmm

Use your honorary nationality, so you can laugh at Paddy jokes...

madtownidiot said:

Ein Zuhörer zum anderen: 'Wie lang
redet der Bundeskanzler jetzt schon?'
Antwort: 'Eine halbe Stunde.'
Zuhörer: 'Und worüber redet er?'
Antwort: 'Das sagt er nicht!'

That's all Greek to me.

Three guys died when they got to the pearly gates St Peter met them and said " I know you guys are forgiven because your here but before you get into heaven I have to ask you something. Your answer will depend on what kind of car you get. You have to have a car in heaven as it is soo big". St Peter asks the first guy : How long were you married ? he replies 24 years.
Did u ever cheat on your wife ? asks St Peter
The guy said, "Yeah, 7 times, but you said I was forgiven."
Peter said, "Yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Skoda to drive.
The second guy walks up and gets the same question from Peter and says, "I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once, but that was our first year, so we really worked it out."
Peter said, "I'm pleased to hear that; here's your Mondeo."
The third guy walked up and said, " Peter , I know what you're going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!"
Peter said, "That's what I like to hear. Here's a Jaguar!"
A little while later, the two guys with the Mondeo and the Skoda saw the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden pavement, so they went to see what was the matter.
When they asked the guy with the Jaguar what was wrong, he said,
"I just saw my wife; she was on a skateboard!"