Jokes Thread

Yaa might be a redneck addicted to the world of computers if.......

If yer computer stand is made of a stack of old tires or 2 x 8's and cinderblocks.

Ya think www. in a url is a logo for a wrestlin' organization.

Someone tells ya they're "locked up" and ya ask if they need bail money.

Ya've ever been too drunk to chat.

Yer screen saver is a confederate flag and plays dixie.

Ya think a harddrive is a trip to Uncle Bubba's.

Yer mouse keeps knocking over yer spitcan.

Ya think a surge supressor is a pill for diarrhea.

Ya keep trying to figure out why yer scanner won't pick up police radio calls.

Ya think a megabyte is a new sandwich at McDonalds.

Ya have to ask someone how to spell LOL.

Yer stomach overlaps half of yer keyboard.

Ya try to figure out how to get yer empty beer cans into the recyclin' bin.

Ya try to turn on yer computer with the remote.

Ya try to figure out how yer floppy disk got hard.

Ya play frisbee with yer CD Rom's

Ya find yerself on the floor looking into yer "A Drive" yelling 'Give it back! Give it Back'.

When birds fly across yer screen an ya reach for yer shotgun.

Ya put a mousetrap on yer desk

Yer yards full of ol' computers stacked on cinder blocks.

Ya use yer CD-ROM drive as a beer holder.

Ya call tech support an ask where ta buy stamps fer yer e-mail.

When ya tern yer computer on ya say "Come OOOOOOON Betsy".

Ya think system wizard is a dude in a funny hat.

Ya think 64 M RAM is a nu big block engine fer yer pickup.

Ya think ICQ is how smert yer computer is.

Someone tellz ya yer computer has a bug an ya reach for the can of Raid.

Ya think a mouse pad iz where Mighty Mouse and his cousins hang.

Ya go buy a surfboard to surf the net.

Ya think yer homepage is where ya really live.

Ya give Derections to a website that include a person, animal, or old barn.

Ya Think MB stands for "More Beer".

Ya wait fer the bluelight special at K-Mart ta buy yer puter.

Ya see the word Download, and take the shells out of yer shotgun.

Ya think the person that made yer keyboard was dumb cuz the letters aint in order.

Ya think pushing the delete key will make yer ol' lady disappear.

Ya think CD stands for Cow Dung.

Ya think IBM stands for "Idn't Betsy Marvelous"

Ya think GIF stands fer "Goodie It's Free"

Ya Think Mirabilis is a new brand of smokes.

Ya see the "shift" key and try ta figure out how ta change gears.

Ya put a quilt over yer screen when a make whoopee to yer ol' lady.

Ya wonder why yer screen saver ain't wearing a cape like that there superhero on the cartoons.

Ya think screen saver is a new flavor o' candy.

Ya think Geocities is a place ta buy lil cars.

Ya catch yerself tryin' to smell the lil flower on yer ICQ contact list.

Ya think the "A drive" is where ya park yer pickup.

Ya see the werd "Zip" and know why youz feelin' a draft.

Yer puter has a bumper sticker on it.

Part of yer puter is held together with duct tape.

Ya sees the word "Refresh" and reach into the cooler fer another beer.

You's in a chat room and someone asks where yer from and you reply "My momma"

You sees the word "Website" and start looking for spiders.

little johnny joke:



A Congressman was seated next to a little johnny on the
airplane when he turned to him and said, 'Let's talk.
I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little guy who had just opened his book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, 'What would you
like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the congressman.
'How about global warming or universal health care,' as he smiles smugly.
OK,' he said. 'Those could be interesting topics.
But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes
little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose
that is?'
The legislator, visibly surprised by the little johnny's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little johnny replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when
you don't know $h!t?

Kari said:

Good one, Pacinitaly!

Our house yesterday:

Angie: 'Can't you throw this junk away?', pointing a corner in my study where some pre-historical computers collect dust.

Me: 'Careful, honey! Those are worth quite a lot, collectors items each and everyone!'

Angie: 'Yes, of course. Next collect is Tuesday, don't forget to put those in the container before that!'

Good one