Jokes Thread


  1. Posts : 7,781
    Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
       #1941

    Mother Superior calls all the Nuns together and says to them: "I must tell you all something. We have a case of Gonorrhea in the convent."

    "Thank God," said an elderly Nun at the back. "I'm so sick of Chardonnay."
      My Computer


  2. Posts : 17,322
    Win 10 Pro x64
       #1942

    Borg 386 said:
    Mother Superior calls all the Nuns together and says to them: "I must tell you all something. We have a case of Gonorrhea in the convent."

    "Thank God," said an elderly Nun at the back. "I'm so sick of Chardonnay."

      My Computer


  3. Posts : 7,781
    Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
       #1943

    How do crazy people go through the forest?


    They take the psycho path.
      My Computer


  4. Posts : 208
    Windows 7 64 bit
       #1944

    O.A.P s

    Let's put the OAPs in jail and the criminals in a nursing home. This way the OAPs would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
    They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.

    They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

    Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them. A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.




    They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education. Clothing & shoes would be free on request. Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens. Each OAP could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls. There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

    The "criminals" would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised.
    Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay £900.00 per month and have no hope of ever getting out. Justice for all we say.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- COWS
    Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Bourne almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Lincolnshire?

    And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls.

    But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    THE BRITISH CONSTITUTION

    They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq ...
    Why don't we just give them ours? It was drawn up by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked for centuries and we're not using it anymore.

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------

    THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

    The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this -
    You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians ..... It creates a hostile work environment.

      My Computer


  5. Posts : 208
    Windows 7 64 bit
       #1945

    WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ!

    (Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10!)



    Only total thicko's will fail !!



    1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last ?

    2) Which country makes Panama hats ?

    3) From which animal do we get cat gut ?

    4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?

    5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?

    6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ?

    7) What was King George VI's first name ?

    8) What color is a purple finch ?

    9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ?

    10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ?




    Remember, you need only 3 correct answers to pass.
    Check your answers below.








    ANSWERS






    1) How long did the Hundred Years War last ? 116 years

    2) Which country makes Panama hats ?
    Ecuador

    3) From which animal do we get cat gut ?
    Sheep and Horses

    4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution ?
    November

    5) What is a camel's hair brush made of ?
    Squirrel fur

    6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal ?
    Dogs

    7) What was King George VI's first name ?
    Albert

    8) What color is a purple finch ?
    Crimson

    9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from ? New Zealand

    10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane ?
    Orange (of course!)

    What do you mean, you failed?!!

    Me, too...!!!


    ( And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie! )



      My Computer


  6. Posts : 7,781
    Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
       #1946

    sooo...he was a thief????
    Jokes Thread Attached Images Jokes Thread-thief-maybe.jpg 
      My Computer


  7. Posts : 11,990
    Windows 7 Ultimate 32 bit
       #1947

    beauparc said:
    O.A.P s

    THE 10 COMMANDMENTS

    The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this -
    You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians ..... It creates a hostile work environment.

    Right on target!

    beauparc said:
    WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ!

    (Passing requires only 3 correct answers out of 10!)


    What do you mean, you failed?!!

    Me, too...!!!


    ( And if you try to tell me you passed, you lie! )



    Actually, I got five of them right.

    Borg 386 said:
    sooo...he was a thief????
    Or a politician. Wait, that is the same thing.
      My Computer


  8. Posts : 7,781
    Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
       #1948

    I guess cats really do get into everything.....
    Jokes Thread Attached Images Jokes Thread-image007.jpg 
      My Computer


  9. Posts : 2,963
    Windows 7 Professional SP1 64-bit
       #1949

    Is that the same cat that is plotting your death?
      My Computer


  10. Posts : 9,537
    Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
       #1950

    He was searching the net for his mouse!
      My Computer


 

  Related Discussions
Our Sites
Site Links
About Us
Windows 7 Forums is an independent web site and has not been authorized, sponsored, or otherwise approved by Microsoft Corporation. "Windows 7" and related materials are trademarks of Microsoft Corp.

© Designer Media Ltd
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:02.
Find Us