Jokes Thread [3]

LADYPINKtomato1 · 20 Oct 2012

haha........ YOU are sooo bad !!!!!

Trevers1987 · 20 Oct 2012

LADYPINKtomato1 said:

haha........ YOU are sooo bad !!!!!

I'm from Essex what you expect and have all that English charm.
So you wanna be careful it not me dong the tricking lol I kid.
Also love the new Sig you just added i'll take the treat.

LADYPINKtomato1 · 20 Oct 2012

Dating ads for Seniors

My favorite....
MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition, some
hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in
running condition, but walks well.

LADYPINKtomato1 · 20 Oct 2012

More Senior jokes....

ROMANCE....SENIOR-STYLE

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was almost asleep, but the wife

was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She siad, 'You used o hold my hand when we were courting.'

Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a moment and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later, she said, 'Then you used to kiss me.'

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to

sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said, Then you used to bited my neck.'

Angrily, he threw back the covers and got out of bed.

'Where are you going,' she asked.

'TO GET MY TEETH!

pincushion · 21 Oct 2012

A Guy said:

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst kind.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.

We are going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Broken pencils are really pointless.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? The saurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of Communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

The earthquake in Washington was obviously the government's fault.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

Velcro. What a rip off!

A Guy

Nice collection!

Joan Archer · 21 Oct 2012

When her husband passed away, the wife put the usual death notice in the newspaper, but added that he had died of gonorrhoea. Once the daily newspapers had been delivered, a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhoea, not gonorrhoea." Replied the widow, "Yes, I know that he died of diarrhoea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big sh*t that he really was."

pebbly · 21 Oct 2012

A priest and a Hindu are having breakfast when the priest says "I can see an image of Jesus in the margarine on my toast."The Hindu says "I can't believe it's not Buddha."

I'll get my coat ..........

LADYPINKtomato1 · 21 Oct 2012

Catholic hairdryer

In parochial school students are taught that lying is a sin.

However, Instructions also advised that using a bit of imagination was OK to express the
Truth differently without lying.

Getting a Hairdryer through Customs.
So here is how that's done:

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'

'Of course child. What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday.
It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it.

Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your Robes perhaps?'

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, � Go ahead, Father.
Next please!'

LADYPINKtomato1 · 21 Oct 2012

Joan Archer said:

When her husband passed away, the wife put the usual death notice in the newspaper, but added that he had died of gonorrhoea. Once the daily newspapers had been delivered, a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhoea, not gonorrhoea." Replied the widow, "Yes, I know that he died of diarrhoea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big sh*t that he really was."

Joan that's a great one !!!!... more power to women.

LADYPINKtomato1 · 21 Oct 2012

Trevers1987 said:

LADYPINKtomato1 said:

haha........ YOU are sooo bad !!!!!

I'm from Essex what you expect and have all that English charm.
So you wanna be careful it not me dong the tricking lol I kid.
Also love the new Sig you just added i'll take the treat.

Glad you like the Sig.. a friend in another group made that for me. I won't wear it much longer.:)
OK a bag of HOT red hots for you.... ( those are candies in case you didn't know )