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Windows 7: Jokes Thread [3]

21 Nov 2012   #1061
richnrockville

Windows 7 Pro x64 SP1
 
 

FWIW: The difference between a Fairy Tale and a Sea Story:

A fairy tale always begins: Once upon a time.

A sea story always begins: Now this is no S**T.

Rich
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21 Nov 2012   #1062
Britton30
Microsoft MVP

Windows 7 Ultimate X64 SP1
 
 

You can always tell when someone is about to tell a lie, they begin with,
"To be honest" or,
"To tell you the truth..."
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22 Nov 2012   #1063
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

Children in church

A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.


Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand. The pastor called on him and the little boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."
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.

23 Nov 2012   #1064
BlackSparrow

Windows 7 Professional 32-bit (6.1, Build 7600)
 
 

Oh god, Michael Winslow is too funny.
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29 Nov 2012   #1065
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

The Scottish Tourist

A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball game in the US and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring " Run....Run!"

The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: " R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya! "

A third batter hits a slam and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams " R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya! "

The next batter steadfastly holds his swing four times and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up and yells " R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run! " All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment, whispers to the Scotsman, " He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls. "

After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, " Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!! "

A Guy
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29 Nov 2012   #1066
indianacarnie

 



There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
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29 Nov 2012   #1067
richnrockville

Windows 7 Pro x64 SP1
 
 

Saw this on G+ that really hit my funny bone.

A little, silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a very difficult jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The little lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her neighbor decides to go over and help her with the puzzle. When he arrives, the old lady shows him the puzzle spread out all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says:

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." Then he takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then..." and he says this with a deep sigh...




"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
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30 Nov 2012   #1068
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt ................. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...
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01 Dec 2012   #1069
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

Gonna have to groan that one Kathryn

A Guy
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01 Dec 2012   #1070
Trevers1987

Win7 64bit Ult
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt ................. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche...
O no ........ your really spoiling us
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