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Windows 7: Jokes Thread [3]

02 Dec 2012   #1071
BlackSparrow

Windows 7 Professional 32-bit (6.1, Build 7600)
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by A Guy View Post
Gonna have to groan that one Kathryn

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Dec 2012   #1072
Hopalong X

Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
 
 

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 76).
We decided to grab a bite at the food court.

I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.
The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors - green, red, orange, and blue.

My dad kept staring at her.
The teenager kept looking and would find my dad staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked: "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; I knew he would have a good one!

In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid.... "Got stoned once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you might be my kid."
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13 Dec 2012   #1073
BugMeister

64-Bit W7 Ult_sp1
 
 



Oops, I laughed so much me lallies gave way under me..!!
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13 Dec 2012   #1074
BugMeister

64-Bit W7 Ult_sp1
 
 



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13 Dec 2012   #1075
Borg 386

Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1 Pro
 
 

mmmm hmmmm


Attached Images
 
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13 Dec 2012   #1076
Borg 386

Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1 Pro
 
 

With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.

As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends.

Well two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home.

Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.
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13 Dec 2012   #1077
richnrockville

Windows 7 Pro x64 SP1
 
 

Good one Borg

Rich
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13 Dec 2012   #1078
jadinolf

Windows 7 Professional
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Borg 386 View Post
With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.

As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a "social session" out with friends.

Well two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home.

Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it.
Excellent!

Thanks
My System SpecsSystem Spec
21 Dec 2012   #1079
Joan Archer

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 32 bit/Windows 8.1 64bit
 
 

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman.

He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a fel...ony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility .....

Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'

A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

Q: 'Officer, who provided this description?'

A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'

A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'

A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'

A: 'Yes, sir, I do.'

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

A: 'Yes, sir.'

Q: 'Now, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'

A: 'You see, sir, we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.
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21 Dec 2012   #1080
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.
Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mothers pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. they were both very much in favor of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer to 10%, for starters, explaning that even 10% was probably more pain the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and "kick it up a notch."
The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husbands blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing at this point, they decided to try for 50%. the husband continued to feel quite well.
Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby boy with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mail man was dead on the porch.
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