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Windows 7: Jokes Thread [3]

10 May 2013   #1281
Phone Man

Windows 8.1 Pro w/Media Center 64bit, Windows 7 HP 64bit
 
 
A Farm Kid Joins the Marines

Dear Ma and Pa,


I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine
Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick
before all of the places are filled.


I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m.
But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do
before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop,
feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically
nothing.


Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is
strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of
weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular
food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that
live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get
fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.


We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks
to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A
"route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys
get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.


The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is
like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They
don't bother you none.


This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals
for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a
chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys
at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You
don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.


Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to
wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real
easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the
best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake.
I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6"
and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.


Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get
onto this setup and come stampeding in.



Your loving daughter,

Alice
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 May 2013   #1282
Layback Bear

Windows 7 Pro. 64/SP-1
 
 

Phone Man that is great. I will send that to a friend.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 May 2013   #1283
BlackSparrow

Windows 7 Professional 32-bit (6.1, Build 7600)
 
 

nice one Phone Man! xD
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

12 May 2013   #1284
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

The seven kinds of sex

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the
face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have sex
anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say 'screw you.'

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.
Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.
This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And; Last, but not least,

The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex.
You get a little each month. But, not enough to enjoy yourself.

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 May 2013   #1285
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 May 2013   #1286
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by LADYPINKtomato1 View Post
Here you go LPt,

My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 May 2013   #1287
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

Derek hi .....thanks for making me look lovely..hugs
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 May 2013   #1288
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by LADYPINKtomato1 View Post
Derek hi .....thanks for making me look lovely..hugs
That didn't last long, they took the video I posted down.

Your link still works though.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 May 2013   #1289
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

His official channel



A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 May 2013   #1290
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

Irish Mirror (I hope this brightens up your day)




After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin.



In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks into it.

Not ever having seen a mirror before, he remarked at the image staring back at him.

'How 'bout that! he exclaims, 'Here's a picture of my Fadder .'



He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the way home he remembered his
wife didn't like his father, so he hung it in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishing,
he would go there and look at it.



His wife began to get suspicious of his many trips to the shed.

So, one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror.

As she looked into the glass, she fumed,

'So that's the ugly b***h he's running around with.'
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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