Windows 7 Forums

Welcome to Windows 7 Forums. Our forum is dedicated to helping you find support and solutions for any problems regarding your Windows 7 PC be it Dell, HP, Acer, Asus or a custom build. We also provide an extensive Windows 7 tutorial section that covers a wide range of tips and tricks.


Windows 7: Jokes Thread [3]

26 Jun 2013   #1361
COMPUTIAC

Windows 8.1.1 64bit
 
 

Budget Meeting


A couple realize they are spending too much and decide to go through the bills together.


"Look at this", demands the wife, “$60 on beer.”


Husband replies, "Well, what about this? $50 on makeup?"


The wife looks at him with a smile and says, "Darling I have to have the make up so I can look young and attractive for you."


The husband shouts back, "That's what the beer was for!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
26 Jun 2013   #1362
Dinesh

Windows® 8 Pro (64-bit)
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by COMPUTIAC View Post
Budget Meeting


A couple realize they are spending too much and decide to go through the bills together.


"Look at this", demands the wife, “$60 on beer.”


Husband replies, "Well, what about this? $50 on makeup?"


The wife looks at him with a smile and says, "Darling I have to have the make up so I can look young and attractive for you."

The husband shouts back, "That's what the beer was for!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
26 Jun 2013   #1363
Phone Man

Windows 8.1 Pro w/Media Center 64bit, Windows 7 HP 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by COMPUTIAC View Post
Budget Meeting


A couple realize they are spending too much and decide to go through the bills together.


"Look at this", demands the wife, “$60 on beer.”


Husband replies, "Well, what about this? $50 on makeup?"


The wife looks at him with a smile and says, "Darling I have to have the make up so I can look young and attractive for you."


The husband shouts back, "That's what the beer was for!"
The meeting was adjoined when the ambulance arrived.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

27 Jun 2013   #1364
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

This may be a re-run...still quite cute.
FORGOT MY GLASSES ....



Yesterday, my daughter again asked me why I didn't do something useful with my time. Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favourite topic of conversation. She said that she was "only thinking about me", and suggested that I go down to the senior center, and hang out with the other old men. I did this.



When I got home last night,I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business. I told her that I had joined a parachute club. She said, "Are you nuts? You're nearly 70 years old, and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I proudly showed her that I even had a membership card. She looked at it and said, "Good grief Dad, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club." I told her, "Then I'm in real trouble because I've signed up for five jumps a week". She fainted.



Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can really be fun!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Jun 2013   #1365
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

It's just dawned on me !!

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.

He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants.

His meals are provided at no cost to him.

He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.

For this he pays nothing, and nothing is required of him.

He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs, but he is not required to do any upkeep.

If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.

He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.

He receives these accommodations absolutely free.

He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.

All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick .......

I think he must be a member of Congress!!!

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
28 Jun 2013   #1366
jdXp610

Windows 7 Ultimate x64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by LADYPINKtomato1 View Post
This may be a re-run...still quite cute.
FORGOT MY GLASSES ....



Yesterday, my daughter again asked me why I didn't do something useful with my time. Talking about my "doing something useful" seems to be her favourite topic of conversation. She said that she was "only thinking about me", and suggested that I go down to the senior center, and hang out with the other old men. I did this.



When I got home last night,I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business. I told her that I had joined a parachute club. She said, "Are you nuts? You're nearly 70 years old, and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I proudly showed her that I even had a membership card. She looked at it and said, "Good grief Dad, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club." I told her, "Then I'm in real trouble because I've signed up for five jumps a week". She fainted.



Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can really be fun!
So I am retiring before the end of the year, the the question I am asked most by the folks at work is "what will you do with all of your time?"

The next person who asks is in for a shock lol
My System SpecsSystem Spec
30 Jun 2013   #1367
Borg 386

Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
 
 

Male Logic

Woman: How many beers do you drink a day?

Man: Usually about 3.

Woman: How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 including a tip.

Woman: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: About 20 years, I suppose.

Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your
spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately
$5400.

Man: Correct.

Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the
past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man: Correct.

Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money
could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after
accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have
now bought a Ferrari?

Man: Do you drink beer?

Woman: No.

Man: Where’s your Ferrari?

My System SpecsSystem Spec
30 Jun 2013   #1368
COMPUTIAC

Windows 8.1.1 64bit
 
 

Bad Dream


A couple was in bed one night and the woman woke up from a bad dream. She was scared and panicking.


Her husband awoke and turned the light on to calm her. He asked what was wrong.


She said "I had a dream that I died and you got remarried. If I died tomorrow would you get remarried?"


He said, "Sure, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life lonely.”


She asked, "Well would you two live in this house?"


He replied "Sure, we just got finished paying off our mortgage.


"Well, would she sleep in this bed?"


He thought a while and said "Yes, of course, this bed is brand new and expensive, there's no reason to rid of it.”


She asked irately, "Well, would she use my golf clubs?"


He replied with a straight, serious face "No. She's left handed."


(oops)
My System SpecsSystem Spec
30 Jun 2013   #1369
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

Critical Thinking At Its Best!

Woman:
Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes

Woman:
How many beers a day?

Man:
Usually about 3

Woman:
How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 which includes a tip

(This is where it gets scary !)

Woman:
And how long have you been drinking?

Man:
About 20 years, I suppose

Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each
month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400, correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have
been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting
for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man:
Do you drink beer?

Woman:
No.

Man:
Where's your Ferrari?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
30 Jun 2013   #1370
Kari

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by LADYPINKtomato1 View Post
Critical Thinking At Its Best!

Woman:
Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes
...
...
My dear Lady, although a good joke deserves reposting every now and then, too soon is always too soon. Your joke was posted here only two posts before yours.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
Closed Thread

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search


Similar help and support threads
Thread Forum
Jokes Thread [4]
No sex after surgery ... A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
Chillout Room
Computer jokes!
Rules: ------------------ One joke per post No repeating of jokes ------------------ Il start: What do you call a computer with no graphics?
Chillout Room
IT Jokes
If you can read German, then you will appreciate: Die schlechtesten IT-Witze - Derber Humor ohne Gewähr | TecChannel.de
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread 2
This is jokes thread! Post your best jokes! :D I will start first! :p A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."...
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
Person 1:Knock Knock Person 2:Whos there? Person 1: Boo Person 2: Boo who? :huh: Person 1: ZOMG WHY U CRYIN??!? :p
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
This is jokes thread! Post your best jokes! :D I will start first! :p A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."...
Chillout Room


Our Sites

Site Links

About Us

Find Us

Windows 7 Forums is an independent web site and has not been authorized, sponsored, or otherwise approved by Microsoft Corporation. "Windows 7" and related materials are trademarks of Microsoft Corp.

© Designer Media Ltd

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:02.

Twitter Facebook Google+



Windows 7 Forums

Seven Forums Android App Seven Forums IOS App