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Windows 7: Jokes Thread [3]

01 Jul 2013   #1371
jdXp610

Windows 7 Ultimate x64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Borg 386 View Post
Male Logic

Woman: How many beers do you drink a day?

Man: Usually about 3.

Woman: How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00 including a tip.

Woman: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: About 20 years, I suppose.

Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your
spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately
$5400.

Man: Correct.

Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the
past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man: Correct.

Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money
could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after
accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have
now bought a Ferrari?

Man: Do you drink beer?

Woman: No.

Man: Where’s your Ferrari?

My System SpecsSystem Spec
01 Jul 2013   #1372
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Jul 2013   #1373
Anak

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Win 7 Home Premium 64bit Ver 6.1.7600 Build 7601 - SP1
 
 

The custom in these parts is to mail the Summer taxes the week of July 4th.
I'll be going up in a few hours to pay them, and was reminded of a short story, you can replace the President with your favorite Representative.


Post Turtle:

While suturing a laceration on the hand of a 70-year-old Texas rancher (whose hand had caught in a gate while working cattle), a doctor and the old man were talking about the President being in the White House.

The old Texan said, "Well, ya know, the President is a 'post turtle'."

Not knowing what the old man meant, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was.

The old man said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."

The old man saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain, "You know he didn't get there by himself, he doesn't belong there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just want to help the poor stupid guy get down."



I know I'll be poorer in a few hours, but wiser?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

02 Jul 2013   #1374
BrightBlessings

Win7 Pro-64 Bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by LADYPINKtomato1 View Post
I really liked the Dave Allen show. He was a very funny man indeed.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Jul 2013   #1375
Layback Bear

Windows 7 Pro. 64/SP-1
 
 

Anak Thank you for the Post Turtle.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
02 Jul 2013   #1376
Anak

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Win 7 Home Premium 64bit Ver 6.1.7600 Build 7601 - SP1
 
 

Your welcome Layback Bear, my pleasure.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
05 Jul 2013   #1377
Britton30
Microsoft MVP

Windows 7 Ultimate X64 SP1
 
 

Jokes Thread [3]-norm.png

'Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'


My System SpecsSystem Spec
05 Jul 2013   #1378
Layback Bear

Windows 7 Pro. 64/SP-1
 
 

Britton30 that makes more sense to me the more I drink. It must be true.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
05 Jul 2013   #1379
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

The more I drink the prettier Gary begins to look.
Probably take another keg for me to get the courage up to ask him out for a date!

Your old bud,
THW
My System SpecsSystem Spec
05 Jul 2013   #1380
BrightBlessings

Win7 Pro-64 Bit
 
 



two stuffed dogs ...

Paddy took two stuffed dogs to the 'Antiques Road show'.

"Ooh!" said the presenter, "This is a very rare set, produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists, who operated in London at the turn of the last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?"

"Sticks?" Paddy replied.
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