Jokes Thread [3]

LADYPINKtomato1 said:

A Touching Story on How Men Think...

Attachment 277016

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what?


You have been with me all through the bad times.

When I got fired, you were there to support me.

When my business failed, you were there.

When I got shot, you were by my side.

When we lost the house, you stayed right here.

When my health started failing, you were still by my side...

You know what Martha?"

"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I'm beginning to think you're bad luck."

A friend sent this to me...

Great joke. Thank your friend for me.

Wifes birthday coming soon and she wants to know what her loving husband was going to get her. She starting asking for hints about the gift.

He finally gave up and gave some hints.
1. It's long but not to long.
2. One end is nicely rounded but not to round.
3. The other end is a little bushy but not to bushy.
She is having nice thoughts of here upcoming birthday. She wants more hints.
4. It will be for your use only; no other woman will be granted permission to use it.
She is thinking what a loving and faithful husband.
5. You will use this everyday and sometime more than once a day.
She thinking the blue pills are working.
With her eyes closed on her birthday her loving husband hands her a broom.

Marriage..

Two men, one American and a Hindu Indian were sitting in a bar and
discussing about their family problems. Shot after shot. The Indian man
said to the American: "We have problem in India . We can't marry the
one whom we love. You know my parents are forcing me to get married to
this so called homely and domesticated girl from a village whom I
haven't even met once. We call this an arranged marriage. I don't want to

marry a woman whom I don't love. I told my parents that openly and
now have a hell of a lot of family problems."


The American said: "Talking about love marriages, in America we can
marry the one we love. Let me tell you my story. I married a widow whom I
deeply loved and dated her for three years. After a couple of years,
my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my
father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.
Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife is my grandmother. More
problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and
so he is my uncle. The situation turned worse when my father had a son.
Now my father's son, my brother, is my grandson. Ultimately, I have
become my own grandfather and I am my own grandson.


And you say you have family problems?"



The Indian fainted.

LADYPINKtomato1 said:

Marriage..

Two men, one American and a Hindu Indian were sitting in a bar and
discussing about their family problems. Shot after shot. The Indian man
said to the American: "We have problem in India . We can't marry the
one whom we love. You know my parents are forcing me to get married to
this so called homely and domesticated girl from a village whom I
haven't even met once. We call this an arranged marriage. I don't want to

marry a woman whom I don't love. I told my parents that openly and
now have a hell of a lot of family problems."


The American said: "Talking about love marriages, in America we can
marry the one we love. Let me tell you my story. I married a widow whom I
deeply loved and dated her for three years. After a couple of years,
my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her, so my
father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.
Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife is my grandmother. More
problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and
so he is my uncle. The situation turned worse when my father had a son.
Now my father's son, my brother, is my grandson. Ultimately, I have
become my own grandfather and I am my own grandson.


And you say you have family problems?"



The Indian fainted.

Lady Pink,
So that makes you and I brother and sister or are you my mother's uncle sister?
I know we are related in some fashion as I keep getting your Playboy magazines with my name on the mailing sticker.

   Note

What follows is a rant, a complaint against strict policy of GEMA, the local German copyright organization. Individual members of the Seven Forums mentioned in this post are not guilty of anything, it is not their fault I am not able to see the content they post. This rant is not in any way intended against these dear virtual friends of mine.

I think I have more experience in using the Internet in different foreign countries than an average net user, I use Internet quite regularly around the Europe.

Be it The Netherlands, or my native Finland or Italy or UK or whatever, I am normally able to see any content I want to. But back home in Germany, whenever for instance a YouTube video contains some music, I can be fairly sure I will not be able to see it, at least not without some proxy circus.

Bill (A Guy) is leading my "Videos posted on SF & EF I will not see" statistics as I am able to see maybe one out of ten videos he posts, now you Britton are moving upwards in the ranking.

I can understand copyright laws, myself being an anti piracy advocate. However, I cannot understand why these copyright organizations follow the rules so differently in every country. I can be close to Dutch border, trying to see a video, being not able to it using the hotel WiFi, so I switch to my mobile modem and manually select roaming using a Dutch carrier across the nearby border instead of local German carrier and voilá, I can see the video.

Irritating.

In the middle of a city park, two statues sat across from each other. It appeared that they were eternally looking into each others eyes and even their hands seemed to reach out for the loving embrace of one another.

One evening an angel appeared before them and with the wave of her hand granted them life. She told them: "I have seen you for many years, yearning to be together. Although I cannot grant you permanent life, I will give you life for one hour to do as you please."

The two statues giggled as they held each other and ran off into the bushes. There was much laughing and giggling. They emerged half an hour later and their faces were filled with smiles as they held each other.

The angel looked at them and said: "I'm glad you are happy, but do you know you have half an hour left?" The two statues smiled and once again ran off into the bushes.

As the laughing and giggling started up once again, the angel leaned over to listen in for just a moment. It was then that she heard:

"This time I'll hold the bird down & you can crap on his head"