Heavens Adimitting Clerk
All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination
to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk
who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or
her last day of life.
The first applicant of the day explained that his last day was not a
good one. "I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed.
She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower.
"Well, her hair was dry, so I checked the shower and it was completely
dry too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky, and I began to look for
her lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th floor apartment and
found the SOB clinging to the rail by his finger tips. I was so angry that I
began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but
his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes.
On seeing he was still alive I found super human strength to drag our
antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man
and killed him. At this point the stress got to me, and I suffered a
massive heart attack and died."
The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the next office.
The second applicant said that his last day was his worst. "I was on
the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment. I
stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab
onto the balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment, but some idiot came
rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I
fell but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up
I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way
but failed and was hit and killed by the chest."
The clerk couldn't help but chuckle as he directed the man to the next room.
He was still giggling when his third customer of the day entered. He
apologized and said, "I doubt that your last day was as interesting as
the fellow in here just before you."
"I don't know," replied the third man, "picture this, I'm buck naked hiding'
in this cedar chest----"