Jokes Thread [3]

The Howling Wolves said:

Morris Schwartz is on his deathbed, knows the end is near, is with his nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons. "So", he says to them:

"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."

"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."

"Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center."

"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."

The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says , "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated all this property".

Sarah replies, "Property? Tthe schmuck has a paper route!"

NOW THAT'S FUNNY!!

Who got Morris Schwartz dog?

BrightBlessings said:

A bloke walks into a bar in New Zealand & orders a shandy.

All the Kiwis sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see another Australian visitor.
The barman says: "You ain't from around here, are ya?"
The guy says: "No, I'm from Canada."
The bartender says: "What do you do in Canada?"
The guy says: "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender says: "A tixidermist? What the hick is a tixidermist? Do you drive a tixi?"
"No, a taxidermist doesn't drive a taxi. I mount animals."
The bartender grins & yells: "It’s OK boys. He's one of us."

I love it. It's great. If only I can remember it.

Jim :)

Indian Just Want Coffee


An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter:



"Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Sure Chief. Coming right up."

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.....

The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal
to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling
another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to
the waiter:


"Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto!
We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says,


"Training for position in United States Congress.
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, Disappear for rest of day."

Finally, a word to describe our Future. Ineptocracy

This is not yet found in the Oxford dictionary, so it was "Googled" and discovered to be a recently "coined"
new word found on T-shirts on eBay: Read this one over slowly and absorb the facts that are
within this definition!
I love this word and believe that it will become a recognized English word.
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