Things Not To Say When You're Pulled Over
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
Sorry officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
Aren't you the guy from the villiage people?
Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer
At the end of a long work week, a group of coal miners discovered that one of them, young Billy, was a virgin. Well, they decided this wasn’t right, and pooled their money to remedy the situation. They talked him into going out for a night on the town, got him all cleaned up, and drove to the local brothel. Upon entering, the ring leader went to the madam, explained the situation and gave her $100. She assured him she would sort Billy out and they all left Billy there to enjoy himself. Being naive, Billy asked the madam what was going on. She explained to him that he was about to become a man, courtesy of his friends. “All you have to do is choose one of my girls and she will take care of you.” Well, Billy looked around at the group of women before him and, after several minutes of pondering, picked a likely looking girl to take upstairs. Once they were in their room, the girl said to Billy, “I hear you’re a virgin boy. So what’s your
pleasure? You want missionary, Greek, doggy style, ‘round the world’, 69 or what?” Billy said, “Gosh, ma’am, give me what you think I ought to have.” “No, boy, I’m a professional. You need to tell me what you want.” Billy decided a 69 sounded pretty good, so they settled into the proper position. After several minutes of missing the target, Billy finally got it right and was starting to enjoy it. Sadly, the whore had beans for dinner and let loose a little fart in his face. Billy shook his head, thinking it was part of the fun, and continued licking away. A little while later, she passed wind again. Billy still thought it was part of the fun and dived back in with a vengeance, licking like there was no tomorrow. A few minutes later, she really let loose with a fart that curled Billy’s eyebrows. He pushed her off his face and said, “I don’t want you to think I’m not enjoying myself or anything, but I’ll be dammned if I can take another 66 of those
A man goes along to the Patent and Trademark Office with some of his new designs. He says to the clerk, “I’d like to register my new invention. It’s a folding bottle.” “OK,” says the clerk. “What do you call it?” “A fottle,” replies the inventor. “A fottle? That’s stupid! Can’t you think of something else?” “I can think about it. I’ve got something else though. It’s a folding carton.” “And what do you call that?” asks the clerk. “A farton,” replies the inventor. “That’s obscene. You can’t possibly call it that!” “In that case,” says the inventor, “you’re really going to hate the name of my folding bucket.”
In a small town the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car. Were they trying to steal it? “Heavens no, we bought it,” said the old ladies. “Then why don’t you drive it away?” “We can’t drive.” “Then why did you buy it?” “We were told that if we bought a car here we’d get screwed, so we’re just waiting.
A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman reached over and sliced the man’s penis off. Angrily, she tossed it out the car window. Driving behind the couple was a man and his six-year-old daughter. The little girl was chatting away to her father when all of a sudden the penis smacked their car windscreen, stuck for a moment, then flew off. Surprised, the daughter asked her father, “Daddy, what the heck was that?” Shocked, but not wanting to expose his little girl to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replied, “It... it was only a bug, honey.” The daughter sat with a confused look on her face, and after a moment said, “Sure had a big d**k, didn’t it?”
