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Windows 7: Jokes Thread [3]

30 Oct 2013   #1671
ICIT2LOL

Desk1 7 Home Prem / Desk2 10 Pro / Main lap Asus ROG 10 Pro 2 laptop Toshiba 7 Pro Asus P2520 7 & 10
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
A young lady went to the doctor's for a check-up:
"By the way, Doctor, my boyfriend has dandruff. Is there anything you can suggest?"
"Why don't you just give him Head & Shoulders?"
After a short pause; "How do you give shoulders?"
Wow can you actually do that ?? LOL!!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
30 Oct 2013   #1672
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring. He replies: 'I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers, ' My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.' She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you
have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.' The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

'My dear child,' said the nun, 'Why are you crying?'

'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

The Nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Steve and I am going to a Halloween party.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
30 Oct 2013   #1673
ICIT2LOL

Desk1 7 Home Prem / Desk2 10 Pro / Main lap Asus ROG 10 Pro 2 laptop Toshiba 7 Pro Asus P2520 7 & 10
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring. He replies: 'I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers, ' My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.' She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you
have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says, 'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.' The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

'My dear child,' said the nun, 'Why are you crying?'

'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

The Nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Steve and I am going to a Halloween party.
I'll pay that one
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

30 Oct 2013   #1674
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

Lol, stole that one Dennis

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
31 Oct 2013   #1675
Kari

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

 

Long time since the last OSC(*) joke. Thanks Dennis, that's a good one .

(*) OSC = On-Screen Coffee, result of laughing out loud while drinking coffee in front of the display
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Nov 2013   #1676
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

A termite walks into a bar and says, " Is the bar tender here?"

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Nov 2013   #1677
ICIT2LOL

Desk1 7 Home Prem / Desk2 10 Pro / Main lap Asus ROG 10 Pro 2 laptop Toshiba 7 Pro Asus P2520 7 & 10
 
 

Bloke goes the the doctor and "Doc I keep thinking I am a pair of curtains"
Doc looks up at him say "Pull yourself together man!!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Nov 2013   #1678
jadinolf

Windows 7 Professional 64bit
 
 

Good ones, guys.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
05 Nov 2013   #1679
Britton30
Microsoft MVP

Windows 7 Ultimate X64 SP1
 
 

Blessed are those that can give without remembering, and take without
forgetting.

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked
about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you,
I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the
shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank
you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill ,
the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community
service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you '
card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Member of Congress came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay
his bill , the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.' The Member of Congress was very
happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen
Members of Congress lined up waiting for a free haircut.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

An Apache goes to the medicineman. Medicineman I am confused, wigwam-teepee, wigwam-teepee, wigwam-teepee, can you help?
Medicineman say, brave warrior, you are two tents.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
05 Nov 2013   #1680
Gekie

Win7 x64, Win 8 x32, Mac
 
 

this make me remember Obama
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