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Windows 7: Jokes Thread [3]

16 Dec 2013   #1731
whs
Microsoft MVP

Vista, Windows7, Mint Mate, Zorin, Windows 8
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Layback Bear View Post
Must of been one of those Black Friday Specials.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 Dec 2013   #1732
COMPUTIAC

Windows 8.1.1 64bit
 
 

Office Holiday Memo

To: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season
Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council).
  • Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged.
  • Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden (it runs up an incredible long distance bill)
  • Work requests are not to be filed under “Bah humbug.”
  • Company cars are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma’s house.
  • All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25.
  • Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines.
In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
18 Dec 2013   #1733
COMPUTIAC

Windows 8.1.1 64bit
 
 

Reindeer Games


According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.


Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.


We should have known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

18 Dec 2013   #1734
COMPUTIAC

Windows 8.1.1 64bit
 
 

The ‘Clauses’

Saint Nicholas is the main Clause.


His wife is a relative Clause.


His children are dependent Clauses


Their Dutch uncle is a restrictive Clause.


Santa’s elves are subordinate Clauses.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
18 Dec 2013   #1735
Lady Fitzgerald

Win 7 Ultimate 64 bit
 
 

From the Marx Brothers "Night at the Opera".

Fiorello: Hey, wait, wait. What does this say here? This thing here.
Driftwood: Oh, that? Oh, that's the usual clause. That's in every contract. That just says uh, it says uh, "If any of the parties participating in this contract is shown not to be in their right mind, the entire agreement is automatically nullified."
Fiorello: Well, I don't know...
Driftwood: It's all right, that's, that's in every contract. That's, that's what they call a 'sanity clause'.
Fiorello: Ha ha ha ha ha! You can't fool me! There ain't no Sanity Clause!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
18 Dec 2013   #1736
Layback Bear

Windows 7 Pro. 64/SP-1
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by COMPUTIAC View Post
Reindeer Games


According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.


Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.


We should have known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
Well, welllll thinking on it they must be lady reindeer. They were doing this even before GPS.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
18 Dec 2013   #1737
Lady Fitzgerald

Win 7 Ultimate 64 bit
 
 

How many reindeer did Santa have?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
18 Dec 2013   #1738
derekimo

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Lady Fitzgerald View Post
How many reindeer did Santa have?
9...

Dasher
Dancer
Prancer
Vixen
Comet
Cupid
Donner
Blitzen
Rudolph
My System SpecsSystem Spec
18 Dec 2013   #1739
Lady Fitzgerald

Win 7 Ultimate 64 bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by derekimo View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Lady Fitzgerald View Post
How many reindeer did Santa have?
9...

Dasher
Dancer
Prancer
Vixen
Comet
Cupid
Donner
Blitzen
Rudolph
You forgot Olive. We first hear about her in the same song we heard about Rudolf.

"Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names."

Bazinga!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
18 Dec 2013   #1740
indianacarnie

 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Lady Fitzgerald View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by derekimo View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Lady Fitzgerald View Post
How many reindeer did Santa have?
9...

Dasher
Dancer
Prancer
Vixen
Comet
Cupid
Donner
Blitzen
Rudolph
You forgot Olive. We first hear about her in the same song we heard about Rudolf.

"Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names."

Bazinga!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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