Windows 7 Forums

Welcome to Windows 7 Forums. Our forum is dedicated to helping you find support and solutions for any problems regarding your Windows 7 PC be it Dell, HP, Acer, Asus or a custom build. We also provide an extensive Windows 7 tutorial section that covers a wide range of tips and tricks.


Windows 7: Jokes Thread [3]

03 Jan 2014   #1781
Layback Bear

Windows 7 Pro. 64/SP-1
 
 

Senility can be helpful.
You never loose things because you can't remember you ever had them in the first place.

You can hide your own easter eggs.

Their is no such thing as a rerun on T.V.

All news is new news.

All food is great because you can't remember what foods you don't like.

The good news is most of the time you can remember where the bathroom is located and what it's used for.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
03 Jan 2014   #1782
jadinolf

Windows 7 Professional 64bit
 
 

The grade on this post is A+
My System SpecsSystem Spec
03 Jan 2014   #1783
Lady Fitzgerald

Win 7 Ultimate 64 bit
 
 

What post? I didn't see a post. Did you see a post?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

04 Jan 2014   #1784
Borg 386

Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
 
 

This is an old one from the late 90's I believe...

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to start, in which case you have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water temperature and alternator lights would be replaced by a single "general car fault" warning light.

8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

10. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither needed nor wanted them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become the target of investigation by the Justice Department.

12. Every time GM would introduce a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13. You'd press the "Start" button to shut off the engine.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Jan 2014   #1785
Phone Man

Windows 8.1 Pro w/Media Center 64bit, Windows 7 HP 64bit
 
 

A Mechanical Engineer, Electrical Engineer and a Software Engineer were driving to a meeting when their car broke down. The Mechanical Engineer got out and checked the car and said it's not a mechanical problem. The Electrical Engineer got out and checked the car and said it's not an electrical problem. The Software Engineer said lets close all the windows, get out of the car, get back in the car and open all the windows. The car started up and away they went.

Jim
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Jan 2014   #1786
Britton30
Microsoft MVP

Windows 7 Ultimate X64 SP1
 
 

Two dung beetles are sitting on a turd. One farts, the other one says, "Hey, do you mind, I'm trying to eat here!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Jan 2014   #1787
ICIT2LOL

Desk1 7 Home Prem / Desk2 10 Pro / Main lap Asus ROG 10 Pro 2 laptop Toshiba 7 Pro Asus P2520 7 & 10
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Britton30 View Post
Two dung beetles are sitting on a turd. One farts, the other one says, "Hey, do you mind, I'm trying to eat here!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
06 Jan 2014   #1788
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

May have been around before but hey it's 2014 so here goes...

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants
and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why
they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest
of the game, all they kept screaming was...
'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!'
I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
07 Jan 2014   #1789
Kari

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

 

Happened back in my native Finland, Lapland:

Two police officers were patrolling the streets in the capital of region Lapland, walking around downtown Rovaniemi at Arctic Circle. A tourist stopped them, apparently needing help.

Tourist: Sorry, do you speak English?
Officer 1: Ei, puhu suomea. (Translation: No, speak Finnish)
Tourist: Parlez-vous français?
Officer 2: Ei
Tourist: Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
Officer 1: Ei.
Tourist: Parli italiano?
Officer 2: Ei.
Tourist: ¿Habla usted español?
Officer 1: Ei.

The tourist looked at the officers, said nothing more and went away.

Officer 1 (in Finnish, of course): I think he needed help. A shame that we both dropped out of college, again a good example that it had been better for both of us to study more.
Officer 2: You are not often right but this time you are totally wrong. Look at that poor tourist; clearly an educated man, could speak 5 languages but all his studies were of no help to him!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
08 Jan 2014   #1790
COMPUTIAC

Windows 8.1.1 64bit
 
 

Desert Island

A man is stranded on a desert island for 10 years.

One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit.

Man: "Hi! I am so happy to see you."

Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

Man: "It's been 10 years!"

With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man a cigarette.

Man: "Thank you so much!"

Girl: "So tell me how long has it been since you had a drink?"

Man: "It's been 10 years!"

The girl unzips another pocket on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of 12 year old malt whisky and gives the man a drink.

Man: "Thank you so much. You are like a miracle!"

Then the girl says, "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?"

Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there, too...!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
Closed Thread

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search


Similar help and support threads
Thread Forum
Jokes Thread [4]
No sex after surgery ... A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
Chillout Room
Computer jokes!
Rules: ------------------ One joke per post No repeating of jokes ------------------ Il start: What do you call a computer with no graphics?
Chillout Room
IT Jokes
If you can read German, then you will appreciate: Die schlechtesten IT-Witze - Derber Humor ohne Gewähr | TecChannel.de
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread 2
This is jokes thread! Post your best jokes! :D I will start first! :p A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."...
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
Person 1:Knock Knock Person 2:Whos there? Person 1: Boo Person 2: Boo who? :huh: Person 1: ZOMG WHY U CRYIN??!? :p
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
This is jokes thread! Post your best jokes! :D I will start first! :p A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."...
Chillout Room


Our Sites

Site Links

About Us

Find Us

Windows 7 Forums is an independent web site and has not been authorized, sponsored, or otherwise approved by Microsoft Corporation. "Windows 7" and related materials are trademarks of Microsoft Corp.

© Designer Media Ltd

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:02.

Twitter Facebook Google+



Windows 7 Forums

Seven Forums Android App Seven Forums IOS App