Windows 7 Forums

Welcome to Windows 7 Forums. Our forum is dedicated to helping you find support and solutions for any problems regarding your Windows 7 PC be it Dell, HP, Acer, Asus or a custom build. We also provide an extensive Windows 7 tutorial section that covers a wide range of tips and tricks.


Windows 7: Jokes Thread [3]

14 Jan 2014   #1811
thudpucker

W-7 Home premium
 
 

Pilots work hard at landings and Takeoffs. The Navigator tells us where to go.
And if we get to the right place, a hand comes out from the Navigators Dash Board and hands him a banana!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Jan 2014   #1812
thudpucker

W-7 Home premium
 
 

Understanding Engineers #1

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Jan 2014   #1813
thudpucker

W-7 Home premium
 
 



To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

14 Jan 2014   #1814
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by thudpucker View Post
Understanding Engineers #1

Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Might get more for the bike if he decided to trade it in!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Jan 2014   #1815
thudpucker

W-7 Home premium
 
 

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Jan 2014   #1816
indianacarnie

 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
15 Jan 2014   #1817
COMPUTIAC

Windows 8.1.1 64bit
 
 

Trouble

A man walks into a bar, and tells the bartender to pour him a 12 year old single malt scotch "before the trouble starts." The bartender pours his drink and quietly moves away.

After finishing his drink, the man calls the bartender back and tells him "pour me a 15 year old scotch before the trouble starts." The bartender thinks this is very strange but pours him the 15 year old scotch.

After finishing that drink, the man tells the bartender to pour him an 18 year old scotch "before the trouble starts." The bartender is becoming a little worried, but pours him the 18 year old scotch.

Before the man finishes his 18 year old scotch, the bartender finally gets up the nerve to ask: "Say friend, when this trouble is going to start?"

To which the man replies: "The trouble starts, when you find out that I don't have any money."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
15 Jan 2014   #1818
COMPUTIAC

Windows 8.1.1 64bit
 
 

Actual Quotes From Office Memos

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."


"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."

"This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (Plant manager, Delco Corporation)
My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 Jan 2014   #1819
Ranger4

Windows 7 Home Premium 64 bit sp1
 
 

The Convents Mother Superior rose from the dinner table & tapped a spoon loudly on the table to quieten the dining room at the end of evening dinner.

“It has been brought to my attention that 3 cases of gonorrhoea have been discovered in the convent.”

That resulted in dead silence, until one very young Nun said to her colleague in a voice far louder then she intended.

“Thank goodness for that, I was getting so sick of the Chardonnay.”
My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 Jan 2014   #1820
COMPUTIAC

Windows 8.1.1 64bit
 
 

Signs You Have A Bad Lawyer

You met him in prison.

During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.


He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."

When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.

He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."

During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.

He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."


A prison guard is shaving your head.


Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.


He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.


He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.


He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.


Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"


Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.


The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25."


Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."


He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
Closed Thread

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search


Similar help and support threads
Thread Forum
Jokes Thread [4]
No sex after surgery ... A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
Chillout Room
Computer jokes!
Rules: ------------------ One joke per post No repeating of jokes ------------------ Il start: What do you call a computer with no graphics?
Chillout Room
IT Jokes
If you can read German, then you will appreciate: Die schlechtesten IT-Witze - Derber Humor ohne Gewähr | TecChannel.de
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread 2
This is jokes thread! Post your best jokes! :D I will start first! :p A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."...
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
Person 1:Knock Knock Person 2:Whos there? Person 1: Boo Person 2: Boo who? :huh: Person 1: ZOMG WHY U CRYIN??!? :p
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
This is jokes thread! Post your best jokes! :D I will start first! :p A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."...
Chillout Room


Our Sites

Site Links

About Us

Find Us

Windows 7 Forums is an independent web site and has not been authorized, sponsored, or otherwise approved by Microsoft Corporation. "Windows 7" and related materials are trademarks of Microsoft Corp.

© Designer Media Ltd

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:42.

Twitter Facebook Google+



Windows 7 Forums

Seven Forums Android App Seven Forums IOS App