Windows 7 Forums
Welcome to Windows 7 Forums. Our forum is dedicated to helping you find support and solutions for any problems regarding your Windows 7 PC be it Dell, HP, Acer, Asus or a custom build. We also provide an extensive Windows 7 tutorial section that covers a wide range of tips and tricks.


Windows 7: Jokes Thread [3]

05 Mar 2014   #1901

Windows 7 Professional x64 Sp1
 
 

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed, so his friend calls 911. "My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator replies, "Calm down, sir. I can help. First make sure that he's dead." There's a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
05 Mar 2014   #1902

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

WOW... that's worse then asking a Blonde anything ...
My System SpecsSystem Spec
05 Mar 2014   #1903

Windows 8.1.1 64bit
 
 

Dear Cats and Dogs,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note - placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything larger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit trough the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years; canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is to kiss me, then go smell the other dog's or cat's behind. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

Thank you.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
05 Mar 2014   #1904

Desk1 8 Pro / Desk2 7 Home Prem / Laptop 8.1 Pro all 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by andrew129260 View Post
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed, so his friend calls 911. "My friend is dead! What should I do?" The operator replies, "Calm down, sir. I can help. First make sure that he's dead." There's a silence, then a loud bang. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
Heard this before but such a great few liner
My System SpecsSystem Spec
06 Mar 2014   #1905

Windows 7 Professional
 
 

Fred is snoozing


Attached Images
 
My System SpecsSystem Spec
06 Mar 2014   #1906

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

Jesus is watching you...

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his pack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,

"Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

"Did you say that?", he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiller Jesus."

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
06 Mar 2014   #1907

Windows 8.1.1 64bit
 
 

Almost time to go to the dog house for the nite !


Attached Images
 
My System SpecsSystem Spec
06 Mar 2014   #1908

Windows 7 Professional
 
 

Cute.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
06 Mar 2014   #1909

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

Continued:
Jokes Thread [4]


No sex after surgery ...




A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, Anne Maynard,

has sued St Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there,

he lost all interest in sex.





A hospital spokesman replied ...

"Mr. Maynard was admitted in Ophthalmology - all we did was correct his eyesight."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
Closed Thread

Thread Tools



Similar help and support threads for2: Jokes Thread [3]
Thread Forum
IT Jokes Chillout Room
Are age-related jokes past it? Chillout Room
Jokes Thread 2 Chillout Room
Jokes Thread Chillout Room
Jokes Thread Chillout Room

Our Sites

Site Links

About Us

Find Us

Windows 7 Forums is an independent web site and has not been authorized, sponsored, or otherwise approved by Microsoft Corporation. "Windows 7" and related materials are trademarks of Microsoft Corp.

© Designer Media Ltd

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:22 PM.
Twitter Facebook Google+



Windows 7 Forums

Seven Forums Android App Seven Forums IOS App
  

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33