Windows 7 Forums
Welcome to Windows 7 Forums. Our forum is dedicated to helping you find support and solutions for any problems regarding your Windows 7 PC be it Dell, HP, Acer, Asus or a custom build. We also provide an extensive Windows 7 tutorial section that covers a wide range of tips and tricks.


Windows 7: Jokes Thread [3]

21 Oct 2011   #11
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
22 Oct 2011   #12
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Joke sent by Lady Pinktomato1

A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said.
"How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes."

A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money..

"You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.

"Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a porch - it's a Lexus
My System SpecsSystem Spec
23 Oct 2011   #13
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half
an hour as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It does everything -
KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Crisps, the lot..
My System SpecsSystem Spec
23 Oct 2011   #14
whs
Microsoft MVP

Vista, Windows7, Mint Mate, Zorin, Windows 8
 
 

An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong.
'Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace.

'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'
Knowing her patients were a little
forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied,
'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my
condolences..'The following day, Mr.
Wallace was walking down the hall with his Private Part
hanging out of his pajamas.

He met Nurse Tracy .
'Mr. Wallace,' she said, 'You shouldn't be walking down
the hall like that. Please put your Private Part
back inside your pajamas.'

'But, Nurse Tracy I
can't,' replied Mr. Wallace. 'I told you yesterday that
my Private Part died.'

Yes,' said Nurse Tracy ,
'you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your
pajamas?'


'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'
My System SpecsSystem Spec
23 Oct 2011   #15
seavixen32

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
 
 

A group of scruffy-looking Romany travellers appeared at the Pearly Gates and rang the bell for St. Peter.

When St. Peter arrived, the gypsies explained that although they had done some bad things in their lives they had repented their sins and would dearly love to enter Heaven rather than Hell.

"Wait here," commanded St. Peter, "and I will consult with God on this matter."

With that, he approached God and explained what the problem was.

"Well," said God, "if they have repented, they can enter Heaven."

Half-an-hour later, St. Peter rushed back to God and exclaimed, "They've gone!"

"What, the gypsies?" enquired God.

"No, the Pearly Gates!" replied St. Peter.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
25 Oct 2011   #16
Thorsen

Win7 Home Premium 64x
 
 

“We don’t serve faster-than-light neutrinos here,” said the bartender.

A neutrino walks into a bar.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
25 Oct 2011   #17
seavixen32

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Thorsen View Post
“We don’t serve faster-than-light neutrinos here,” said the bartender.

A neutrino walks into a bar.
It took a little while for the penny to drop, but that's a clever one.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
25 Oct 2011   #18
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by seavixen32 View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Thorsen View Post
“We don’t serve faster-than-light neutrinos here,” said the bartender.

A neutrino walks into a bar.
It took a little while for the penny to drop, but that's a clever one.
The penny dropped into the spittoon and I am not going there to fish it out
My System SpecsSystem Spec
25 Oct 2011   #19
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by seavixen32 View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Thorsen View Post
“We don’t serve faster-than-light neutrinos here,” said the bartender.

A neutrino walks into a bar.
It took a little while for the penny to drop, but that's a clever one.
It's a thinker!

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
26 Oct 2011   #20
Joan Archer

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 32 bit/Windows 8.1 64bit
 
 

Note to self: 'Cancel credit cards prior to death' <IMG id=ecxyiv510766178MA29056360-0001 alt="Image removed by sender. Thinking smile emoticon" width=19 height=19>

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die!
This is so priceless and so easy to see happening - customer service, being what it is today!

A lady died this past January, and Barclay bank billed her for February and
March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and
Then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had
Been £0.00, now is somewhere around £60.00.

A family member placed a call to the Barclay Bank:


Family Member:
'I am calling to tell you that she died in January.'

Barclay:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'


Family Member:
'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

Barclay:
'Since it is two months past due, it already has been..'


Family Member:
So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'


Barclay:
'Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to
The credit bureau, maybe both!'


Family Member:
'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

Barclay:
'Excuse me?'


Family Member:
'Did you just get what I was telling you . . . The part about her
Being dead?'


Barclay:
'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member:

'I'm calling to tell you, she died in January.'


Barclay:
'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'


Family Member:
'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Barclay:
(Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'


Family Member:
'No, I'm her great nephew.'
(Lawyer info given)


Barclay:
'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member:
'Sure.'
( fax number is given )

After they get the fax:


Barclay:
'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I
Can do to help.'


Family Member:
'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing
Her. I don't think she will care.'


Barclay:
'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.'


Family Member:
'Would you like her new billing address?'


Barclay:
'That might help.'


Family Member:
' Finchley Memorial Cemetery , Great North Road , Finchley, London Plot Number
1049.'


Barclay:
'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member:
'Well, what the heck do you do with dead people on your planet?'..............

My System SpecsSystem Spec
Closed Thread

Thread Tools



Similar help and support threads for2: Jokes Thread [3]
Thread Forum
IT Jokes Chillout Room
Are age-related jokes past it? Chillout Room
Jokes Thread 2 Chillout Room
Jokes Thread Chillout Room
Jokes Thread Chillout Room

Our Sites

Site Links

About Us

Find Us

Windows 7 Forums is an independent web site and has not been authorized, sponsored, or otherwise approved by Microsoft Corporation. "Windows 7" and related materials are trademarks of Microsoft Corp.

© Designer Media Ltd

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 01:04 PM.
Twitter Facebook Google+



Windows 7 Forums

Seven Forums Android App Seven Forums IOS App