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Windows 7: Jokes Thread [3]

28 Jan 2012   #211
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Subject: A SENIOR MOMENT


Semper Fi

Several days ago as I left a church meeting, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically I headed for the parking lot. My wife has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,” I stammered. I always call her “honey” in times like these. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Diane’s voice, “CHARLEY,” she barked, “I dropped you off!”

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.”

She retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car!”
My System SpecsSystem Spec
31 Jan 2012   #212
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London ..

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but they haven't got tickets.

The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate.
"McTavish, Scotland," he says, "Discus" and in he walks.

The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder.
"Waddington-Smythe, England " he says, "Pole vault" and in he walks.

The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm.
"O'Malley, Ireland " he says, "Fencing."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
31 Jan 2012   #213
Layback Bear

Windows 7 Pro. 64/SP-1
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London ..

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but they haven't got tickets.

The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate.
"McTavish, Scotland," he says, "Discus" and in he walks.

The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder.
"Waddington-Smythe, England " he says, "Pole vault" and in he walks.

The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm.
"O'Malley, Ireland " he says, "Fencing."
For sure I will take this one to the V.F.W.
We do have a few Irishman.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

31 Jan 2012   #214
seavixen32

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London ..

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but they haven't got tickets.

The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate.
"McTavish, Scotland," he says, "Discus" and in he walks.

The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder.
"Waddington-Smythe, England " he says, "Pole vault" and in he walks.

The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm.
"O'Malley, Ireland " he says, "Fencing."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
31 Jan 2012   #215
seavixen32

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
 
 

1st Agent - 'I know the name of the top woman agent we've been seeking.'

2nd Agent - 'Tell me her name, please.'

1st Agent - 'Chantelle.'

2nd Agent - 'Why not? I did ask you nicely.'
My System SpecsSystem Spec
31 Jan 2012   #216
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by seavixen32 View Post
1st Agent - 'I know the name of the top woman agent we've been seeking.'

2nd Agent - 'Tell me her name, please.'

1st Agent - 'Chantelle.'

2nd Agent - 'Why not? I did ask you nicely.'
Take the badge back!

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
31 Jan 2012   #217
seavixen32

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
 
 

My wife laughed at it, but then she's not a very good judge of anything. I know that to be true because she married me!

Send the badge back? Never, it's my pride and joy.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
01 Feb 2012   #218
panais

Windows 7 Ultimate 64bit SP1
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London ..

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but they haven't got tickets.

The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate.
"McTavish, Scotland," he says, "Discus" and in he walks.

The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder.
"Waddington-Smythe, England " he says, "Pole vault" and in he walks.

The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm.
"O'Malley, Ireland " he says, "Fencing."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
01 Feb 2012   #219
Joan Archer

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 32 bit/Windows 10 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
It's 2012 and it's the Olympics in London ..

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman want to get in, but they haven't got tickets.

The Scotsman picks up a manhole cover, tucks it under his arm and walks to the gate.
"McTavish, Scotland," he says, "Discus" and in he walks.

The Englishman picks up a length of scaffolding and slings it over his shoulder.
"Waddington-Smythe, England " he says, "Pole vault" and in he walks.

The Irishman looks around and picks up a roll of barbed wire and tucks it under his arm.
"O'Malley, Ireland " he says, "Fencing."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
01 Feb 2012   #220
cyclic

Windows 7 home premium x64
 
 

I don't know why people mock the Irish after all they are sending a rocket to the moon............................as soon as they find a bottle big enough to put the stick in!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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