Windows 7 Forums

Welcome to Windows 7 Forums. Our forum is dedicated to helping you find support and solutions for any problems regarding your Windows 7 PC be it Dell, HP, Acer, Asus or a custom build. We also provide an extensive Windows 7 tutorial section that covers a wide range of tips and tricks.


Windows 7: Jokes Thread [3]

11 Feb 2012   #261
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Dwarf View Post
Now then Dennis (or is that Jock?)

I thought that dress looked familiar.
I,ve told you 2 before about looking in my closet
Wonder if Dwarf noticed the handcuffs, whips, and a black leather ensemble in
your closet?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 Feb 2012   #262
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

A young woman was pulled over for speeding.

An Oregon State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book.

She said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Trooper's Ball."

He replied, "Oregon State Troopers don't have balls."

There was a moment of silence.

He then closed his book, tipped his hat, got back in his patrol car and left.

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 Feb 2012   #263
Dwarf

Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by The Howling Wolves View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Dwarf View Post
Now then Dennis (or is that Jock?)

I thought that dress looked familiar.
I,ve told you 2 before about looking in my closet
Wonder if Dwarf noticed the handcuffs, whips, and a black leather ensemble in
your closet?
Can't say that I did. Now, if I haven't got them and Dennis claims not to have them, that leaves one begging question. Who has?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

12 Feb 2012   #264
richnrockville

Windows 7 Pro x64 SP1
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by A Guy View Post
A young woman was pulled over for speeding.

An Oregon State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book.

She said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Trooper's Ball."

He replied, "Oregon State Troopers don't have balls."

There was a moment of silence.

He then closed his book, tipped his hat, got back in his patrol car and left.

A Guy
Reminds me of the news reporters during one of the older inaugurations when she was asked about the parties and balls that prior administrations held. She said that some presidents didn't have any balls at all. Then she realized what she had said and the censors evidently cut her off.. <GGGG>

Rich
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 Feb 2012   #265
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

One day my Grandma was out, and my Grandpa was in charge of me.


I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.


Grandpa was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Grandma came home.


My Grandpa made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' Grandma waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Grandpa, and she watched him drink it up.


Then she said, (as only a grandma would know), "'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 Feb 2012   #266
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens Centre.

Claude the hypnotist explained: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want each of you to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. A hundred pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch until, suddenly, the chain broke; it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"S**T!" said the hypnotist.



It took three days to clean up the Senior Citizens Centre.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 Feb 2012   #267
panais

Windows 7 Ultimate 64bit SP1
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens Centre.

Claude the hypnotist explained: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want each of you to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. A hundred pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch until, suddenly, the chain broke; it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"S**T!" said the hypnotist.



It took three days to clean up the Senior Citizens Centre.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 Feb 2012   #268
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

The IRS sent my Tax forms back! AGAIN!!!
I guess it was because of my response to the question : "List all dependents?"I replied -"12 million illegal immigrants;"3 million crack heads;"42 million unemployable people on food stamps,"2 million people in over 243 prisons;"Half of Mexico ; and"535 fools in the U.S. House and Senate.”Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 Feb 2012   #269
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

The nun and the scale ...

A NUN WAS SITTING AT THE VICTORIA AIRPORT , WAITING FOR HER FLIGHT TO CALGARY .

SHE LOOKED OVER IN THE CORNER AND SAW ONE OF THOSE WEIGHT MACHINES THAT TELLS YOUR FORTUNE AND THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'LL GIVE IT A TRY AND SEE WHAT IT TELLS ME.'

SHE WENT OVER TO THE MACHINE, STEPPED UP ON THE SCALE AND PUT HER NICKEL IN ; OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, AND YOU ARE GOING TO CALGARY .'

THE NUN SAT BACK DOWN. SHE TOLD HERSELF THAT THE MACHINE PROBABLY GIVES THE SAME CARD TO EVERYONE . THE MORE SHE THOUGHT ABOUT IT THE MORE CURIOUS SHE GOT SO SHE DECIDED TO TRY IT AGAIN SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE AND AGAIN PUT HER NICKEL IN, AND OUT CAME A CARD THAT READ :

'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU ARE GOING TO CALGARY AND YOU ARE GOING TO PLAY A FIDDLE ..'

THE NUN SAYS TO HERSELF, 'I KNOW THAT IS WRONG, I HAVE NEVER PLAYED A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT EVEN ONCE IN MY LIFE.' SHE SAT BACK DOWN.

FROM OUT OF NOWHERE A COWBOY CAME OVER AND SAT DOWN, PUTTING HIS FIDDLE CASE ON THE SEAT BETWEEN THEM.

WITHOUT THINKING, SHE OPENED THE COWBOY'S CASE, TOOK OUT THE FIDDLE, AND STARTED PLAYING BEAUTIFUL MUSIC.SURPRISED AT WHAT SHE HAD DONE, SHE LOOKED OVER AT THE MACHINE,THINKING,
'THIS IS INCREDIBLE, I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'

BACK TO THE MACHINE SHE WENT, PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL, AND ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT.

IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU ARE GOING TO CALGARY AND YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK WIND.'

NOW SHE KNOWS THE MACHINE IS WRONG, AS SHE THOUGHT TO HERSELF, 'I'VE NEVER BROKEN WIND IN PUBLIC A SINGLE TIME IN MY LIFE.' BUT GETTING DOWN OFF THE MACHINE SHE SLIPPED, AND AS SHE WAS STRAINING TO KEEP HERSELF FROM FALLING TO THE FLOOR, SHE BROKE WIND.

ABSOLUTELY STUNNED, SHE SAT BACK DOWN AND LOOKED AT THE MACHINE. SHE SAID TO HERSELF, 'THIS IS TRULY REMARKABLE. I'VE GOT TO TRY THIS AGAIN.'

SHE WENT BACK TO THE MACHINE,PUT IN ANOTHER NICKEL AND ANOTHER CARD CAME OUT.

IT READ, 'YOU ARE A NUN, YOU WEIGH 128 LBS, YOU HAVE FIDDLED AND F***ED AROUND AND MISSED YOUR FLIGHT TO CALGARY '..
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 Feb 2012   #270
Phone Man

Windows 8.1 Pro w/Media Center 64bit, Windows 7 HP 64bit
 
 

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux went to Florida and got a job with NASA to fuel the rockets. They were fueling a rocket and had been really wanting a drink. Broudreaux tasted some of that rocket fuel and Oh Boy it was some good. So they drank some fuel, put some in the rocket, drank some more. This went on all day and they were really drunk when they got back to their hotel and both went to bed. The next morning Broudreaux is still sleeping when his phone rings. Thibodeaux is on the other end and asked Broudreaux if he broke wind this morning and Broudreaux said no since he just got up. Thibodeaux says well don't do it, I'm calling from Nebraska.

Jim
My System SpecsSystem Spec
Closed Thread

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search


Similar help and support threads
Thread Forum
Jokes Thread [4]
No sex after surgery ... A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
Chillout Room
Computer jokes!
Rules: ------------------ One joke per post No repeating of jokes ------------------ Il start: What do you call a computer with no graphics?
Chillout Room
IT Jokes
If you can read German, then you will appreciate: Die schlechtesten IT-Witze - Derber Humor ohne Gewähr | TecChannel.de
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread 2
This is jokes thread! Post your best jokes! :D I will start first! :p A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."...
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
Person 1:Knock Knock Person 2:Whos there? Person 1: Boo Person 2: Boo who? :huh: Person 1: ZOMG WHY U CRYIN??!? :p
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
This is jokes thread! Post your best jokes! :D I will start first! :p A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."...
Chillout Room


Our Sites

Site Links

About Us

Find Us

Windows 7 Forums is an independent web site and has not been authorized, sponsored, or otherwise approved by Microsoft Corporation. "Windows 7" and related materials are trademarks of Microsoft Corp.

© Designer Media Ltd

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 00:20.

Twitter Facebook Google+



Windows 7 Forums

Seven Forums Android App Seven Forums IOS App