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Windows 7: Jokes Thread [3]

16 Mar 2012   #351
seavixen32

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Hopalong X View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
What do you call a computer that can sing ?

A Dell


I'll get my coat


For anybody who doesn't know, Adele is a great singer with a powerful voice and for the record I think Pebbly's play on words was pretty good.

Jokes Thread [3]-adele-beautiful-world-singer-5-.jpg


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16 Mar 2012   #352
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
What do you call a computer that can sing ?

A Dell


I'll get my coat
~Rimshot~ She'll be here all week folks...

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 Mar 2012   #353
profdlp

Main - Windows 7 Pro SP1 64-Bit; 2nd - Windows Server 2008 R2
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by pebbly View Post
What do you call a computer that can sing ?

A Dell


I'll get my coat
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by A Guy View Post
~Rimshot~ She'll be here all week folks...

A Guy
Not if she tells another joke like that...

(I'm just sore because I didn't get it. Thanks for explaining it, seavixen32.)
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.

17 Mar 2012   #354
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

UNDERSTANDING ENGINEERS - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across the campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
17 Mar 2012   #355
seavixen32

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
 
 

Reminds me of the two friends who met while out shopping.

"What are doing here?" asked one of the other.

"Getting a HD TV for the wife" came the reply.

"Not a bad swap" rejoined his friend.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
22 Mar 2012   #356
Joan Archer

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 32 bit/Windows 10 64bit
 
 

Shampoo Warning
I just discovered this important info - I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner!!!
It's the shampoo I use in the shower! When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body,
and (duh!) printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning:
"FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY".
No wonder I have been gaining weight!!!
Well!
I have gotten rid of that shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn dish soap instead.
Its label reads:
"DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE".
Problem solved!
If I don't answer the phone... I'll be in the shower!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
22 Mar 2012   #357
MWRed

Windows 7 Home Premium
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Joan Archer View Post
Shampoo Warning
I just discovered this important info - I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner!!!
It's the shampoo I use in the shower! When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body,
and (duh!) printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning:
"FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY".
No wonder I have been gaining weight!!!
Well!
I have gotten rid of that shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn dish soap instead.
Its label reads:
"DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE".
Problem solved!
If I don't answer the phone... I'll be in the shower!
Hahaha.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
22 Mar 2012   #358
seavixen32

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
 
 

I was out shopping last week and saw that 'Wash & Go' shampoo was on offer so I bought some.

Yep, you've guessed it, I washed my hair and it went.

Now I'm as bald as a coot!!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
23 Mar 2012   #359
Hopalong X

Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
 
 

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night.

The father asks his son what he did that day after school.

The son says, "I did some homework."

The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching a movie."

Dad asks, "what movie did you watch?"

Son says, "Toy Story."

The robot slaps the son.

Son says, "Ok, Ok we were watching porn."

Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was!"

The robot slaps the dad.

Mom laughs and says, "Well he certainly is your son!"

The robot slaps the mom .....
My System SpecsSystem Spec
26 Mar 2012   #360
Britton30
Microsoft MVP

Windows 7 Ultimate X64 SP1
 
 



I believe we’ve all experienced these at one time or another.







1.Law of Mechanical Repair -
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you
ll have to pee.

2.
Law of Gravity-
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.


3.
Law of Probability-
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act


4.
Law of Random Numbers -
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5.
Law of the Alibi-
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6.
Variation Law-
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).


7.
Law of the Bath -
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8.
Law of Close Encounters-
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you dont want to be seen with.

9.
Law of the Result-
When you try to prove to someone that a machine wont work, it will.

10.
Law of Biomechanics -
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


11.
Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena -
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are also the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12.
The Coffee Law -
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13.
Murphys Law of Lockers -
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14.
Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15.
Law of Logical Argument-
Anything is possible if you dont know what you are talking about.

16.
Browns Law of Physical Appearance-
If the clothes fit, they
re ugly.

17.
Olivers Law of Public Speaking-
A closed mouth gathers no feet.


18.
Wilsons Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy-
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.


19.
Doctors Law-
If you don
t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there youll feel better. But dont make an appointment, and youll stay sick.















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