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Windows 7: Jokes Thread [3]

12 Apr 2012   #411
BlackSparrow

Windows 7 Professional 32-bit (6.1, Build 7600)
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by BugMeister View Post
not strictly a joke, in the traditional sense, but..
..I had to chuckle at this news report:

Escaped Convict John Holland And Prison Officer Christine Robertson Found Naked In Bed During Police Raid


ref paragraph 6..
LOOL! you are a great spotter of these things BugMeister xD!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Apr 2012   #412
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

Recently, a female police officer arrested Patrick Lawrence, 22 year old white male, fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of the night.

The next day, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency and public intoxication.

The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop, 'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles or at least I thought there wasn't anyone around' he stated.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. 'Guess I was really into it, you know?' he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Officer Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin.'

Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence .

'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin??'

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said:'A pumpkin? S**t ... is it midnight already?'
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Apr 2012   #413
Kari

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

 

Kathryn, you made me spill my coffee again
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

13 Apr 2012   #414
Hopalong X

Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
 
 

One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup.

Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.

' Bubba, where'd you git that truck?!?'

' Tammie give it to me' Bubba replied.

'She give it to ya? I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?'

'Well, Jimmy Jones, let me tell you what happened.
We wuz drivin' out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowheres.
Tammie pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said,

'Bubba, take whatever you want.'

So I took the truck!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Apr 2012   #415
The Howling Wolves

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Hopalong X View Post
One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup.

Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.

' Bubba, where'd you git that truck?!?'

' Tammie give it to me' Bubba replied.

'She give it to ya? I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?'

'Well, Jimmy Jones, let me tell you what happened.
We wuz drivin' out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowheres.
Tammie pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said,

'Bubba, take whatever you want.'

So I took the truck!

I would have taken the truck too!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Apr 2012   #416
BlackSparrow

Windows 7 Professional 32-bit (6.1, Build 7600)
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Hopalong X View Post
One day, Jimmy Jones was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup.

Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.

' Bubba, where'd you git that truck?!?'

' Tammie give it to me' Bubba replied.

'She give it to ya? I know'd she wuz kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?'

'Well, Jimmy Jones, let me tell you what happened.
We wuz drivin' out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowheres.
Tammie pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said,

'Bubba, take whatever you want.'

So I took the truck!
Truck too! But what about Tammie?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Apr 2012   #417
seavixen32

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
 
 

I'd have been greedy. I'd have taken both!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Apr 2012   #418
BlackSparrow

Windows 7 Professional 32-bit (6.1, Build 7600)
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by seavixen32 View Post
I'd have been greedy. I'd have taken both!
She said anything you want right? so why not her money too?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Apr 2012   #419
Hopalong X

Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by BlackSparrow View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by seavixen32 View Post
I'd have been greedy. I'd have taken both!
She said anything you want right? so why not her money too?
SeaV

The joke was sent to me in an email from my brother.
It included a picture of the truck and Tammi.
You would have just taken the truck.


BlackSparrow

If he took her money how was she going to pay for the truck?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Apr 2012   #420
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

It’s the Irish again,


An Irishman was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the dark shadows.

'Twenty pounds' she whispers.

Paddy had never been with a hooker before, but decides, what the hell, it's only twenty pounds. So they hid in the bushes.

They're going 'at it' for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It is a Police Officer.

'What's going on here, people?' asks the cop

'I'm making love to me wife!,' Paddy answers sounding annoyed-
'Oh, I'm sorry,' says the cop, 'I didn't know'

'Well, neidder did I, til ya shined that bloddy light in her face!!'
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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