New
#451
these are SUPERIOR pens,
- just read the reviews..!!
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Crystal-Ball..._sim_sbs_kh_13
Jokes Thread [3]
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New #454
Make a Last Request
Once upon a time a Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman were captured by the Red Indians on a prospecting trip in North America. They been tied up against their respective totem poles for a day when the Chief walked up to the Englishman, pinched the skin of his upper arm and said, "Hmmm, heap good skin, nice and thick. Will make heap good canoe. You have a last request?"
"That case of gin I had when your boys caught me. I'd like that", says the Englishman. He's provided with his gin and is taken off to a teepee for his final night. The Englishman drinks two bottles of gin.
In the morning the Indians dispatch him, skin him and make him into a canoe. The canoe lasts a couple of days when it tears on a rock. Next day the Chief walks up to the Scotsman, pinches the skin at the top of his arm and says, "Hmmm, heap, heap good skin, very, very thick. Will make heap, heap good canoe. You have a last request?
"Ah'll huv ma whisky back", says the Scotsman. He's provided with his whisky and taken off to a teepee for his final night. The Scotsman drinks three bottles of whisky. He's already dead when the Indians come to collect him the next morning. They skin him and make him into a canoe. The canoe lasts a week before it tears on a rock. Next day the Chief walks up to the Irishman, pinches the skin at the top of his arm and says, "Hmmm, heap, heap, heap, heap good skin, very, very, very, very thick. Will make heap, heap, heap, heap good canoe. You have a last request?
"I'd loike a fork.", says the Irishman.
The Chief gives him a funny look but gives him the fork. The Irishman takes the fork, stabs himself repeatedly shouting, "Yer no makin' any bloody canoe outta me!"
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New #455
Knowing scripture is a blessing
A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services,
when she was startled by an intruder.
She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables
and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!'
(Repent and be Baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that
your sins may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks.
The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar:
Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a
scripture to you.
' 'Scripture?' replied the burglar. 'She said she had an Axe and Two 38s!'
Send this to someone who needs a laugh today and remember:
Knowing scripture can save your life - in more ways than one!
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New #456
Mr. and Mrs. Jones were in bed one night having sex, when their son walked in on them. They sat up suprised, embarrassed as little Johnny took off down the hall. "What should we do?", they asked each other. So, the went together down the hall to little Johnny's room to try to explain what was happenning back there. When they arrived, they found that little Johnny was not to be found. They then heard a curious noise coming from Grandma's room. The opened the door to find little Johnny goin' at it on top of Grandma. Johnny then proclaimed, "It's not so funny when it's your mother, is it?"
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New #457
The following is copied from a facebook account the name omitted to protect the ....potentially insane.
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There is some sort of mystical creature in my place that apparently lives on double a batteries. I buy a new pack, use 2, stick it away. It's gone. I should have 4 packs of them laying around now.
comment 1 -
Log day 34 - though it has been trying I have tracked the elusive battery gnomes to their homeland in the mythical sea of a trillion mismatched socks. The curious creatures have admitted to taking my batteries, unfortunately the only currency here appears to be old issues of national geographic. Obviously, I did not in fact 'pack everything' I don't care anymore. A man can only fight so many talk show hosts with angry cat launchers before .... there is no time they are coming, I will reclaim my batteries and free Underdwarfia from the wicked Snarg.
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day 36 - I honestly never would have guessed something called 'the wicked snarg' was a total babe. Apparently her name is really Gina and she only wants to rip out my heart and stick it in some silly statue's mouth some nonsense about the old gods and the forgotten one. Whatever, she seems really nice, I don't know I'm kind of thinking about it.
...no progress has been made on my batteries.
comment 3-
day 36 3/4 - I made a mistake, I made a really really bad mistake man.
No more entries were ever made
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New #460
A mold.. you jest.. this stuff we've seen the past few years came right out of the horses barn !!!! oops Hopalong and Topper..
![Jokes Thread [3]-s1_pauline.jpg](https://www.sevenforums.com/attachments/chillout-room/208763d1486593569-jokes-thread-3-a-s1_pauline.jpg?s=fadbb1e3d0e0d592a71d525cb8507c51)
![Jokes Thread [3]-politician.jpg](https://www.sevenforums.com/attachments/chillout-room/209316d1486593674-jokes-thread-3-a-politician.jpg?s=fadbb1e3d0e0d592a71d525cb8507c51)
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