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Windows 7: Jokes Thread [3]

15 May 2012   #501
Joan Archer

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 32 bit/Windows 10 64bit
 
 

I have a little SatNav
It sits there in my car
A SatNav is a driver's friend
It tells you where you are

I have a little SatNav
I've had it all my life
It does more than the normal one
My SatNav is my wife

It gives me full instructions
On exactly how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour" it says
"And you're doing thirty five"

It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake

It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene

It lists the vehicles just in front
It lists those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear

I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice

It fills me up with counselling
Each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?

Ah well, you see, it cleans the house
Makes sure I'm properly fed
It washes all my shirts and things
and - keeps me warm in bed!

(author unknown)
My System SpecsSystem Spec
15 May 2012   #502
BlackSparrow

Windows 7 Professional 32-bit (6.1, Build 7600)
 
 

Nice one Joan Archer! Lemme find that Robin Williams joke... found it!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 May 2012   #503
Trucidation

 

"I'm the good kind of bill!"

Jokes Thread [3]-bill_good.jpg



My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

17 May 2012   #504
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

The Traffic Warden's Funeral.

As the coffin was being lowered into the ground at a traffic warden's funeral, a voice from inside the coffin screamed “Im not dead, Im not dead, Let me out !”


The vicar smiles, leans forward, sucking air through his teeth and mutters, “ Too effing late pal, the paperwork's already done"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
17 May 2012   #505
seavixen32

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
 
 

That's dead good Pebbly!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
17 May 2012   #506
seavixen32

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
 
 

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Monaghan's flat in Dublin when Sean O'Toole loses all his money on a single hand, stands up, clutches his chest and drops dead.

Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.

Michael Lennon looks around and asks, 'OK, me boys, someone's got to tell Sean's wife. Who will it be?'

They draw straws. Cavan Colquhoun picks the short one.

They tell him to be discreet and gentle and not to make a bad situation any worse.

'Discreet? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me.' announces Cavan.

He goes over to O'Toole's house and knocks on the door.

Brenda O'Toole answers and asks what he wants.

Cavan declares: 'Your husband just lost all his money and is afraid to come home.'

'Tell him to drop dead!' snarls Brenda.'

'I'll go tell him.' says Cavan.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
17 May 2012   #507
Joan Archer

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 32 bit/Windows 10 64bit
 
 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
17 May 2012   #508
Hopalong X

Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
 
 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
17 May 2012   #509
BlackSparrow

Windows 7 Professional 32-bit (6.1, Build 7600)
 
 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
17 May 2012   #510
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

Facebook is like prison

You sit around staring at walls, killing time. And getting hugs from people you don't know.

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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