Maria had just got married, and being a traditional Italian bride, was still a virgin.
On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was understandably very nervous.
"Don't worry, Maria," her mother said. "Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you."
"Meanwhile, I'll be in the kitchen making pasta for tomorrow's dinner."
With that, Maria went upstairs just as Tony was taking his shirt off to reveal a hairy chest.
Maria rushed downstairs and yelled, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a hairy chest!"
"Don't worry." replied her mother. "All good men have hairy chests. Now go back upstairs. Tony will take good care of you."
Maria went upstairs again just as Tony had taken his trousers off to reveal hairy legs.
Again, she rushed downstairs and cried, "Mama, Mama, Tony has taken his trousers off and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All men have hairy legs. Now go back upstairs to Tony. He'll take good care of you."
With that, Maris went back upstairs just as tony was taking his socks off, revealing that he had three toes missing from his left foot.
Maria flew downstairs again and screamed, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot-and-a-half!"
"Don't worry!" exclaimed Mama. "You stay here and stir the pasta!"