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Windows 7: Jokes Thread [3]

08 Jun 2012   #621
Hopalong X

Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by LADYPINKtomato1 View Post
THE JEWISH MISTRESS

A Jewish husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine
restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to
their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says
she'll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says,
"Who was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband,
"she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I
want a divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we
get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more
wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in
the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on
his arm.
"Who's that woman with Moishe?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies.
Oy vey!

My System SpecsSystem Spec
09 Jun 2012   #622
Joan Archer

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 32 bit/Windows 10 64bit
 
 

Have you been having lessons from Pepply LPt1, I think you're going to be sent to the naughty step soon.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
09 Jun 2012   #623
Borg 386

Win 7 32 Home Premium, Win 7 64 Pro, Win 8.1, Win 10
 
 

One fine day, a guy was out golfing and got up to the 16th hole. He teed up and cranked one. Unfortunately, it went into the woods on the side of the fairway. He went looking for his ball and came across a little guy with a huge knot on his head and the golf ball lying right beside him.

"Bless Me!" said the golfer, then proceeded to revive the poor little guy.

Upon awakening, the little guy said, "Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes."

"I can't take anything from you," The man said "I'm just glad I didn't hurt you too badly" and walked away.

Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thought "Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things that any man would want; I'll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great sex life."

A year passed quickly and the same golfer was out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He hit one into the same woods and went off looking for his ball. Just as he found it, he saw the same little guy and asked how he was doing.

"I'm fine," The leprechaun said, "and might I ask how your golf game is?"

"It's great!" The golfer said, "I hit under par every time."

"I did that for you," responded the leprechaun, "And might I ask how your money is holding out?"

"Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a hundred dollar bill" he replied.

The leprechaun smiled: "I did that for you. And might I ask how your sex life is?"

Now the golfer looked at him a little shyly and said, "Well, maybe once or twice a month."

Floored, the leprechaun stammered, "Once or twice a month?"

The golfer looks at him sheepishly and says, "Well, that's not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

09 Jun 2012   #624
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

ha ha ha........
My System SpecsSystem Spec
09 Jun 2012   #625
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

... Ohhh Joan........ NOT the naughty place plz......lol
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09 Jun 2012   #626
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

Good one Borg

A Guy
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10 Jun 2012   #627
Joan Archer

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 32 bit/Windows 10 64bit
 
 

What happened to I'll show you mine if you show me yours.

My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Jun 2012   #628
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

Good one Joan
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Jun 2012   #629
Bertison

Windows 7/64 HPremium.
 
 

YORKIE JOKE: (from a Nottinghamshire lad)

One fine Dales day, two elderly Yorkshiremen were "gassin"* by the gate, when a funeral procession passed by.

Silence ensued until it had gone, then one said to the other, " Oos that dead nah then?"

"Im i' t'box, shouldn't wonder."

* - 'gassin' - having a conversation.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Jun 2012   #630
BugMeister

Windows10 Pro - 64Bit vs.10547
 
 

six out of seven dwarves aren't happy..
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