Jokes Thread [3]

Nice one's A Guy I can't stop laughing damn it!

Reminds me of the presidential inauguration ball roundup where a wonderful female reporter said.
"with all the balls around town tonight, we must remember that some presidents did not have any balls at all"
(then she broke up as the camera went to another reporter...)
Rich

Good one Joan.
rich

A Guy

Joan that's a really good one.:).
I hope you won't mind if I save it .

nice one Joan xD

LADYPINKtomato1 said:

Joan that's a really good one.:).
I hope you mind if I save it .

No problems, I picked it up from Facebook and it was meant to be shared, glad you enjoyed it.

Music in the Cemetery

A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and suddenly he hears some music.
No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.
He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads? Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827".
Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backwards!
Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed.
This time it is the Seventh Symphony, and like the previous piece, it is also being played backwards.
Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar.
When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backwards.
The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread and a crowd have gathered around the grave.
They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backwards.
Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group.
Someone in the group asks him if he has any explanation for the music.
"I would have thought it was obvious" the caretaker says incredulously.
"He's decomposing."

Blonde In Church

An Alabama pastor said to his congregation,

"Someone in this congregation has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."

No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again, all was quiet. Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."



The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared.

Life is Short, Smile While You still have Teeth.

Give me an Amen, Brother!!!