Windows 7 Forums

Welcome to Windows 7 Forums. Our forum is dedicated to helping you find support and solutions for any problems regarding your Windows 7 PC be it Dell, HP, Acer, Asus or a custom build. We also provide an extensive Windows 7 tutorial section that covers a wide range of tips and tricks.


Windows 7: Jokes Thread [3]

26 Aug 2012   #861
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

The Trip

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade.
So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband......
 
 
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks
its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."

"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"

He said, "Who S_ _ _ _ed up your hair?!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
26 Aug 2012   #862
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

Letter from an Irish Mother to her Son

Dear Son,

Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very well.

You won't recognise the house when you get home - we have moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Irish family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

Your father's got a really good job now. He's got 500 men under him. He's cutting the grass at the cemetery.

Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven't found out if it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an auntie or an uncle.

Your brother Tom is still in the army. He's only been there a short while and they've already made him a court martial!

Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey in the Dublin Brewery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to put out the fire.

I'm sorry to say that your cousin Seamus was arrested while riding his bicycle last week. They are charging him with dope peddling.

I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice this week, first for three days and then for four days. Monday was so windy one of the chickens laid the same egg four times.

We had a letter from the under-taker. He said if the last payment on your Grandmother's plot wasn't paid in seven days, up she comes.

About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

Your loving Mum


P.S. I was going to send you some money but I had already sealed the envelope.

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
27 Aug 2012   #863
Hopalong X

Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
 
 
Medical bloopers!

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths,' . . . I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,' . . . replied the patient.

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, ' How long have you been bedridden? '
After a look of complete confusion she answered . . . 'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'

I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . . ' So how's your breakfast this morning? '
'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste' Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced
A foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

27 Aug 2012   #864
BrightBlessings

Win7 Pro-64 Bit
 
 

Frank and his bride had just returned from the honeymoon and were settling down in their new apartment. Coming home from work one night the landlady met Frank in the hallway and said, "I have a couple of extra tickets to a play in town tonight, and I wonder if you and your new 'Missus' would like to have them?"
"I'll ask her," he responded. Opening the door to his apartment he called out, "Honey, would you like to see 'Oliver Twist' tonight?"
"No way!!," his bride retorted, "If you show me one more trick with that thing, I'm going home to my Mother!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
28 Aug 2012   #865
Britton30
Microsoft MVP

Windows 7 Ultimate X64 SP1
 
 

Don't assume too much!


Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning: "Windows frozen."


Husband texts back: "Pour some lukewarm water over it."


Wife texts back: "Computer completely screwed up now!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
28 Aug 2012   #866
Layback Bear

Windows 7 Pro. 64/SP-1
 
 

Britton; some how I think that is true.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
28 Aug 2012   #867
Dwarf

Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Layback Bear View Post
Britton; some how I think that is true.
Is that from personal experience? Or were you the one who made the phone call?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
28 Aug 2012   #868
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Britton30 View Post
Don't assume too much!


Wife texts husband on a cold winters morning: "Windows frozen."


Husband texts back: "Pour some lukewarm water over it."


Wife texts back: "Computer completely screwed up now!"
SEE what happens when we assume, most often we're wrong. W R O N G..
plus we get in big, BIG messes.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
28 Aug 2012   #869
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by BrightBlessings View Post
Frank and his bride had just returned from the honeymoon and were settling down in their new apartment. Coming home from work one night the landlady met Frank in the hallway and said, "I have a couple of extra tickets to a play in town tonight, and I wonder if you and your new 'Missus' would like to have them?"
"I'll ask her," he responded. Opening the door to his apartment he called out, "Honey, would you like to see 'Oliver Twist' tonight?"
"No way!!," his bride retorted, "If you show me one more trick with that thing, I'm going home to my Mother!"
OHHH NOOOO , does this mean the marriage is almost over ???
My System SpecsSystem Spec
29 Aug 2012   #870
Layback Bear

Windows 7 Pro. 64/SP-1
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Dwarf View Post
Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Layback Bear View Post
Britton; some how I think that is true.
Is that from personal experience? Or were you the one who made the phone call?
No No; I just know a couple that live West of Virgina that would fit to a T if the circumstances would arise.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
Closed Thread

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search


Similar help and support threads
Thread Forum
Jokes Thread [4]
No sex after surgery ... A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, Anne Maynard, has sued St Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there, he lost all interest in sex.
Chillout Room
Computer jokes!
Rules: ------------------ One joke per post No repeating of jokes ------------------ Il start: What do you call a computer with no graphics?
Chillout Room
IT Jokes
If you can read German, then you will appreciate: Die schlechtesten IT-Witze - Derber Humor ohne Gewähr | TecChannel.de
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread 2
This is jokes thread! Post your best jokes! :D I will start first! :p A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."...
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
Person 1:Knock Knock Person 2:Whos there? Person 1: Boo Person 2: Boo who? :huh: Person 1: ZOMG WHY U CRYIN??!? :p
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
This is jokes thread! Post your best jokes! :D I will start first! :p A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."...
Chillout Room


Our Sites

Site Links

About Us

Find Us

Windows 7 Forums is an independent web site and has not been authorized, sponsored, or otherwise approved by Microsoft Corporation. "Windows 7" and related materials are trademarks of Microsoft Corp.

© Designer Media Ltd

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 22:06.

Twitter Facebook Google+



Windows 7 Forums

Seven Forums Android App Seven Forums IOS App