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Windows 7: Jokes Thread [3]

29 Aug 2012   #871
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

New SIM to surprise her husband
Woman Buys A New Sim Card Puts It In Her Phone And Decides To Surprise Her Husband

Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room.
She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number:
"Hello Darling" The Husband Responds In A Low Tone:

"Let Me Call U Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen.."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
29 Aug 2012   #872
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

Wife treats husband
A Wife Treats Hubby By Taking Him To A Lap Dance Club For His Birthday ..

At The Club: Doorman Says: "Hi Jim How are You?

Wife Asks: "How Does He Know You? "

Jim Says: "Oh Dear, I Play Football with Him"

Inside Barman Says: "The Usual Jim?"

Jim Says To Wife: "Before You Say Anything, He's On the Darts Team."

Next A Lap Dancer Says: "Hi Jim Do You Crave Special Again?"

The Wife Storms Out Dragging Jim With Her & Jumps Into A Taxi..

Driver Says "Hey Jimmy Boy, You Picked Up An Ugly One This Time.."



Jim's Funeral Is On Sunday
My System SpecsSystem Spec
29 Aug 2012   #873
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on a plane and he turned to her and asked, ‘Do you want to talk?’ Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’

The little girl who had just started to read a book replied, ‘What do you want to talk about?’

‘Oh I don’t know,’ said the atheist. ‘How about why there is no God or no Heaven or Hell or no life after death’ as he smiled smugly.

‘OK,’ she said. ‘Those could be interesting topics, but let me ask you a question first.’

‘A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same grass, yet a deer excretes pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?’

The atheist visibly surprised by the girls intelligence, thinks about it and says, ‘I have no idea.’

To which the girl replies, ‘Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God, no Heaven or Hell or no life after death, when you don’t know Sh*t?’

And she went back to reading her book….

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

30 Aug 2012   #874
BlackSparrow

Windows 7 Professional 32-bit (6.1, Build 7600)
 
 

Oh god, thanks a lot A Guy, i'm now gonna laugh my ass off for the next 10 mins!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
31 Aug 2012   #875
HammerHead

win 7 X64 Ultimate SP1
 
 
Quick Thinker

A robber was conducting a holdup in a busy bank when his mask came off. He hurriedly put it back on and turned to a nearby man and asked "Did you see my face?" and the man replied yes. He promptly shot the man. The robber then turned to a nearby woman and asked "Did you see my face?" and she replied no but my husband did.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
01 Sep 2012   #876
BrightBlessings

Win7 Pro-64 Bit
 
 

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus
was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her
turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow
her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly
embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind
her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her
enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to
discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once
again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more. For the
second time, attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin,
she could not raise her leg. With little smile to the driver, she again
reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the
step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked
her up easily by the waist and placed her gently
on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be
Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know
who you are!' The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I
would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda
figured we was friends.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
01 Sep 2012   #877
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by A Guy View Post
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on a plane and he turned to her and asked, ‘Do you want to talk?’ Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’

The little girl who had just started to read a book replied, ‘What do you want to talk about?’

‘Oh I don’t know,’ said the atheist. ‘How about why there is no God or no Heaven or Hell or no life after death’ as he smiled smugly.

‘OK,’ she said. ‘Those could be interesting topics, but let me ask you a question first.’

‘A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same grass, yet a deer excretes pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?’

The atheist visibly surprised by the girls intelligence, thinks about it and says, ‘I have no idea.’

To which the girl replies, ‘Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God, no Heaven or Hell or no life after death, when you don’t know Sh*t?’

And she went back to reading her book….

A Guy
LOL.... I was about to post this also.. you beat me to it. Thanks ..
My System SpecsSystem Spec
01 Sep 2012   #878
LADYPINKtomato1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by BrightBlessings View Post
In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus
was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her
turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow
her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly
embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind
her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her
enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to
discover she still couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once
again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more. For the
second time, attempted the step, and, once again, much to her chagrin,
she could not raise her leg. With little smile to the driver, she again
reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the
step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked
her up easily by the waist and placed her gently
on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be
Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know
who you are!' The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I
would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda
figured we was friends.
Bright B that's a great comeback.. I loved it .
My System SpecsSystem Spec
01 Sep 2012   #879
Hopalong X

Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by BrightBlessings View Post
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I
would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda
figured we was friends.
Howdy! I'm Hoppy. <Texas sized grin>
My System SpecsSystem Spec
04 Sep 2012   #880
Phone Man

Windows 8.1 Pro w/Media Center 64bit, Windows 7 HP 64bit
 
 

Jokes Thread [3]-joke.jpg

Cajun heritage and damn proud of it.
Jim


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