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Windows 7: Jokes Thread [3]

10 Dec 2011   #81

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

A bunch of Indians capture a cowboy and bring him back to their camp to meet the chief. The chief says to the cowboy, "You are going to die. But we feel sorry for you, so we will give you one wish a day for three days. On sundown of the third day, you die. What is your first wish?"

The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse."

The Indians get his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse's ear and whispers something, then slaps the horse on the ass. The horse takes off. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked blonde.

She jumps off the horse and goes into the teepee with the cowboy. The Indians look at each other, figuring, "Typical white man - can only think of one thing."

The second day, the chief says, "What is your wish today?"

The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again."

The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy leans over to the horse and whispers something in the horse's ear, then slaps it on the ass. Two hours later, the horse comes back with a naked redhead. She gets off and goes in the teepee with the cowboy.

The Indians shake their heads, figuring, "Typical white man - going to die and can only think of one thing."

The last day comes, and the chief says, "This is your last wish, white man. What you want?"

The cowboy says, "I want to see my horse again." The Indians bring him his horse. The cowboy grabs the horse by both ears, twists them hard and yells, "Read my lips! POSSE, damn it! P-O-S-S-E!"

A Guy

My System SpecsSystem Spec
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10 Dec 2011   #82

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Ult. x64 Windows 8.1 x64 Ubuntu 12.04 LTS Tri-Boot
 
 

Haha.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Dec 2011   #83

Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
 
 

Must have been Dennis/THW's horse.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.


10 Dec 2011   #84

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
 
 

A traffic cop pulled a car in on the west-bound I-10 outside Jacksonville.

He discovered the car was being driven by a little old lady who was in her 91st year.

"Now, Ma'am," intoned the police officer, "do you know why I pulled you over?"

"No, officer,", she replied, "I haven't a clue."

"Well," came the reply. "You were only doing 10 mph on the interstate highway, and that means you are a danger to other road users."

"I still don't know what you are complaining about," said the little old lady. "I was on I-10 and I drove at the speed limit - 10mph."

"No," stated the police officer in a weary tone. "10 is the number of the highway, it is not the speed limit."

Just then, he looked in the back of the car and saw three white-faced pensioners who were shaking like a leaf.

"What's their problem?" intoned the traffic cop. "They look like they've seen a ghost."

"It's not that," replied the old lady driver. "We've just come off the I-295 beltway!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 Dec 2011   #85

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.



Example, the trade name is Tylenol and it's generic name is Acetaminophen.. Aleve is also called Naproxen.




Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.



The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.



After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer..

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.



Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.



Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.



Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.



This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 Dec 2011   #86

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

"This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them."

What to do with what?
If you think I am going to call the doctor after having an erection for more than 4 hours you are mistaken.
I forgot his/her phone number anyway!
THW
My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 Dec 2011   #87

Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
 
 

Who needed blue pills? Alas, to be young again.

My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 Dec 2011   #88

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64-Bit
 
 

All this talk of drugs and pills reminds me of the man who went into hospital for a testicle transplant.

Trouble was, the surgeon who did the job hadn't got very good eyesite.

He removed the diseased testicles without a problem, but when he replaced them he grabbed a pickled onion jar instead.

A few weeks later, the recipient went to see his doctor for a check up and was asked whether the operation had had any effect on his sex life.

"I'll say so," came the reply. "Whenever I see my wife in a negligee I feel nothing, but show me a cheese sandwich and all hell is let loose!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Dec 2011   #89

Windows7 Pro 64bit SP-1; Windows XP Pro 32bit
 
 

THE RANSOM

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, D.C.. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks, “What’s going on?”

“Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and they’re asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they’re going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We’re going from car to car, collecting donations.”

“How much is everyone giving, on average?” the driver asks.

The man replies, “Roughly a gallon.”


AMEN.....

My System SpecsSystem Spec
13 Dec 2011   #90

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

I'll donate 2 gallons at least.. if you need more let me know .
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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 Jokes Thread [3]





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