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Windows 7: Jokes Thread [3]

12 Oct 2012   #971

Win7 64bit Ult
 
 

BEST DIVORCE LETTER EVER
Dear Wife,
Iím writing you this letter to tell you that Iím leaving you forever. Iíve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didnít even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You donít tell me you love me anymore; you donít want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either youíre cheating on me or you donít love me anymore; whatever the case, Iím gone.

Your EX-Husband


P.S. donít try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. Itís true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what youíve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping Too bad that doesnít work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ĎYou look just like a girl!í Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you canít say something nice, I didnít comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you wonít get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!

P.S. I donít know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope thatís not a problem.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 Oct 2012   #972

Windows 7 Pro. 64/SP-1
 
 

Trevers some have all the luck. He get Carla and Carl all in one package and it only cost him 10 million.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 Oct 2012   #973

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Idle Thoughts Of A
Retiree's Wandering Mind:

********************

I had amnesia
once---or twice
********************



I went to San
Francisco .
I found someone's heart. Now what?


********************

Protons have mass?
I didn't even know they were Catholic.
********************



All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me
happy
********************

If the world were
a logical place,
men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.


********************

What is a "free" gift?
Aren't all gifts free?
********************



They told me I was gullible
and I believed them.


********************

Teach a child to be
polite and courteous in the home
and, when he grows up,
he'll
never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.


********************

Experience is the thing
you have left
when everything else is gone.


********************

One nice thing about
egotists:
they don't talk about other people.


********************

My weight is perfect
for my height--
which varies.
********************



I used to be indecisive.
Now I'm not sure.


********************

How can there be
self-help "groups"?
********************

If
swimming is so good for your figure,
how do you explain whales?


********************

Show me a man with both
feet firmly on the ground,
and I'll show you a man who can't get
his pants off.
********************

Is it me
--or
do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
********************

"If I wasn't so darn modest I'd be perfect!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
15 Oct 2012   #974

Win 7 home premium 32 bit
 
 

one person used to work on 12th floor

one day a person came and said gul zaman

your daughter has ran away with some boy

on hearing this person jumped from 12th floor

when he reached 8th floor, he remember that he dont have a daughter

when he reached 4th floor, he remember that he is not married

when he reached 1st floor, his name is not gul zaman
My System SpecsSystem Spec
15 Oct 2012   #975

Windows 8.1 Pro w/Media Center 64bit, Windows 7 HP 64bit
 
 

When you get old you loose three of you faculties.

The first is Memory.

I don't remember the other two.

Jim
My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 Oct 2012   #976

Windows 7 Professional 32-bit (6.1, Build 7600)
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Phone Man View Post
When you get old you loose three of you faculties.

The first is Memory.

I don't remember the other two.

Jim
Nice one xD
My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 Oct 2012   #977

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Psychology or Law ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** **** **** A guy asked a girl in a library:* "Do you mind if I sit beside you?''* The girl replied in a loud voice:* "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!"** * All the students in the library started staring at the guy, he was embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said:* "I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed right?''** * The guy responded with a loud voice: *'$'500 FOR ONE NIGHT THAT'S TOO MUCH!!''** * All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered in her ears:* "I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty....!"*****
My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 Oct 2012   #978

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by LADYPINKtomato1 View Post
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Psychology or Law ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** **** **** A guy asked a girl in a library:* "Do you mind if I sit beside you?''* The girl replied in a loud voice:* "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!"** * All the students in the library started staring at the guy, he was embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said:* "I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed right?''** * The guy responded with a loud voice: *'$'500 FOR ONE NIGHT THAT'S TOO MUCH!!''** * All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered in her ears:* "I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty....!"*****
I swear...I was never in that library!

Good one M'Lady

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
18 Oct 2012   #979

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

OHHHH great A Guy.. sure glad that wasn't you......lol....
My System SpecsSystem Spec
19 Oct 2012   #980

Windows 7 x64 SP1
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by LADYPINKtomato1 View Post
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Psychology or Law ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**** **** **** A guy asked a girl in a library:* "Do you mind if I sit beside you?''* The girl replied in a loud voice:* "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!"** * All the students in the library started staring at the guy, he was embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said:* "I study psychology and I know what a man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed right?''** * The guy responded with a loud voice: *'$'500 FOR ONE NIGHT THAT'S TOO MUCH!!''** * All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered in her ears:* "I study Law and I know how to make someone feel guilty....!"*****
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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