Jokes Thread [3]

Bass Boat.....
A good old Missouri boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing. He brought it home and his wife looks at him and says, "What you gonna do with that. There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here."

He says, "I won it and I'm a-gonna keep it."



His brother came over to visit several days later. He sees the wife and asks where his brother is.

She says, "He's out there in his bass boat", pointing to the field behind the house.

The brother heads out behind the house and sees his brother in the middle of a big field sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand.

He yells out to him, "What are you doin'?"

His brother replies, "I'm fishin'. What does it look like I'm a doin'?"

His brother yells, "It's people like you that give people from Missouri a bad name, makin' everybody think we're stupid. If I could swim, I'd come out there and whip your a**!"

panais said:

pebbly said:

Oh the joys of getting old - One minute you're playing on your Wii and the next you're sitting in it

Good\clever one!

Pebbly you get the Jewel Crown for this comment !!!..

For the Lone Stars.

A new priest, born and raised in Texas , comes to serve in a city parish and is nervous

about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.


The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out

of the confessional for a few suggestions.


The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one

hand and try saying things like 'yes, I see,' and 'yes, go on,' and 'I understand.'


The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.


The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee
and saying, "No shit, what happened next?"

Hahahaha.. good one.. Texas style.

LADYPINKtomato1 said:

Hahahaha.. good one.. Texas style.

Yep,pray or else i'll use my 6 bullet.

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Departmental Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt scraping along the mountainside. The car's occupants, shaken but unhurt, now had a problem: they were stuck halfway down a mountain in a car with no brakes. What were they to do?

"I know," said the Departmental Manager, "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and by a process of Continuous Improvement find a solution to the Critical Problems, and we can be on our way."

"No, no," said the Hardware Engineer, "That will take far too long, and besides, that method has never worked before. I've got my Swiss Army knife with me, and in no time at all I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we can be on our way."

"Well," said the Software Engineer, "Before we do anything, I think we should push the car back up the road and see if it happens again."

Good one Harry

A Guy

The female dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot.

"No way, no needles. I hate needles" the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects.

"I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on suffocates me!"

The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.

"No objection" the patient says. "I'm fine with pills"

The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra."

The patient says, "Wow", I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer"

"It doesn't" said the dentist, "but it's going to give you something to hold onto
When I pull your tooth."

Pebbly you get this naughty girls tag today.. lol
Attachment 202812
Go to the steps right now young lady !!!!!

pebbly said:

The female dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot.

"No way, no needles. I hate needles" the patient said.

The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects.

"I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on suffocates me!"

The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.

"No objection" the patient says. "I'm fine with pills"

The dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra."

The patient says, "Wow", I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer"

"It doesn't" said the dentist, "but it's going to give you something to hold onto
When I pull your tooth."