Jokes Thread [3]

How about this link Kari, same crap?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?featur...&v=rXU-ZdmzNmo

britton30 said:

how about this link kari, same crap?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?featur...&v=rxu-zdmznmo

Someone posted a link to a great YouTube video on Facebook, Twitter, Reddit or any other site but you cannot play it because you get the dreaded "this video is not available" message when you try to watch it on your system? You may or may not be affected by this on a daily basis depending on where you live.

If you are living in Germany for instance, chance is that many popular music videos won't simply play because of Google's ongoing struggle with the GEMA.

Source

A Guy

P.S. Everything I post is really crap anyway Kari, you aren't missing anything

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down.

I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets.

A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car.

Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.

My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition.

My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them.

His theory is that the car will be stolen.

As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion.

His theory was right.

The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location,

confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered; ( I always call him "honey" in times like these.)

"I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice.

"Are you kidding' me", he barked, "I dropped you off"!!!

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this cop I didn't steal your car."

Yep, it's the golden years................

1. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"Your room looks like a tornado hit it."

2. My mother taught me about RELIGION.
"You better pray that comes out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week."

4. My mother taught me about OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

5. My mother taught me about the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, I can take you out."

6. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in the world who don't have wonderful parents like you."

7. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when we get home."

8. My mother taught me about GENEOLOGY.
"Shut that door... You think you were raised in a barn?"

9. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids... I hope they turn out just like you!"

10. My mother taught me about LOGIC.
"Because I said so, That's why."

11. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until your spinach is gone."

12. My mother taught me about IRONY.
"Keep crying. I'll give you something to cry about."

Whole In One

A church Pastor woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf.

So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to preside over the services for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, the Pastor headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away.

This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his church. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"

The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not."

Just then the Pastor hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole.

IT WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?"


The Lord smiled and replied, Who is he going to tell?

Blonde Adding a Quart of OIL