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Windows 7: Jokes Thread [3]

12 Oct 2011   #1
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 
Jokes Thread [3]

continued from - http://www.sevenforums.com/chillout-...jokes-thread-2

****** 22 ADULT TRUTHS ******

1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger..

18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

20. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

21. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

22. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Ladies.....Quit Laughin'

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
12 Oct 2011   #2
Phone Man

Windows 8.1 Pro w/Media Center 64bit, Windows 7 HP 64bit
 
 

AMD Bulldozer

Jim
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13 Oct 2011   #3
Layback Bear

Windows 7 Pro. 64/SP-1
 
 

****** 22 ADULT TRUTHS ******
Very good I needed the laugh and I'm not a lady.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

15 Oct 2011   #4
vspeck23

Windows 8 Pro Media Centre Edition 64Bit, Windows 8 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

I got told this by a friend only last night and have the feeling i should share it :

I man gets a tattoo of " i love you " on to his Penis , and shows his wife. His wife comments, "so i see your trying to put words in to my mouth again ".
My System SpecsSystem Spec
15 Oct 2011   #5
Layback Bear

Windows 7 Pro. 64/SP-1
 
 

I will use that joke, thanks vspeck23
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15 Oct 2011   #6
whs
Microsoft MVP

Vista, Windows7, Mint Mate, Zorin, Windows 8
 
 

This is taking it too litteral


Attached Images
Jokes Thread [3]-2011-10-12_1947.png 
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15 Oct 2011   #7
NomenUsoris

Windows 7 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Two Icelandic girls were sitting inside, looking at the snow fall outside when one of them says: "Oh, how I would like to be in Paris right now... Imagine sitting at a café, with a smoke and some nice drink in hand, next to the river Nile..." Than the other one cut her off exclaiming: "Nile? You idiot, Nile is in London!"

- - - - - -

This one is no joke, but a funny anecdote. (You have to know that "ey" (pronounced like AY in May) means "island" in Icelandic)

So these two girls in the University of Iceland were talking in the Library about their short assignment on Import/Export. One of them was complaining she didn't know what to write about, when the other one tells her to write about that island they keep talking about in the news, everybody is buying their stuff. She just could not remember the name... They continue talking about some other subject when she suddenly remembers the name, and shouts: "eBay!"
My System SpecsSystem Spec
16 Oct 2011   #8
vspeck23

Windows 8 Pro Media Centre Edition 64Bit, Windows 8 Home Premium 64bit
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by Layback Bear View Post
I will use that joke, thanks vspeck23
Haha no problem
My System SpecsSystem Spec
21 Oct 2011   #9
pebbly

win 7 ultimate32bit, Win8.1pro wmc 32bit
 
 

Last week, Mildred checked into a hotel on her70th birthday and she was a bit lonely.

She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone
books for escorts and sensual massages"

She looked through the phone book, found a fullpage ad for a guy
calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills
flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long
powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack and she felt quite certain she could bounce a silver
coin off his well oiled bum.

She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know.I'll give him a call.

"Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?"



Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy! Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in,
"Hi, I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my hotel room and give me one. No, wait, I
should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hot, and I want it now.
Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks.
We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up,cover me in chocolate, syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I'm ready!!
Now how does that sound?"

He said, "That sounds absolutely fantasti
c ma'am, but you need to press 9 for an outside line.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
21 Oct 2011   #10
Dwarf

Windows 8.1 Pro RTM x64
 
 

You're not fantasizing again, are you Mildred Kathleen ?
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