Are good manners and chivalry dead?

seavixen32 · 25 Oct 2011

As a youngster a good many years ago I was taught that chivalry and good manners were signs of a good upbringing.

I stand up when a lady enters the room or joins the table in a restaurant, I gladly hold a door open for the fairer sex and I will not hesitate to give up my seat on the bus to someone who obviously needs it more than I do, but two things have happened this week to make me question whether chivalry and manners are indeed on the wane.

In the first, I asked a young woman to take her dirty shoes off the seat so that I could sit down when I got on a bus and received a load of foul-mouthed abuse for my pains. I've never hit a woman yet, but I came mighty close that time.

In the second, I held a shop door open for a young lady behind me who lambasted me for patronising her.

Am I wrong in thinking the way I do or do our women prefer good manners and politeness?

My wife thinks I'm being too sensitive to others, but I happen to believe that a civilised society is measured by the way its citizens treat each other, so come on ladies, am I right or am I just an old Luddite who's wasting his breath?

Arc · 25 Oct 2011

Andy, do what you think equitable, and dont expect anything in return .

Personally I dont give any privilege to the women when I deal with them, coz I found them as good as me , in all respects . Even they are not physically weak nowadays, too . I also noticed that they mostly dont like chivalry .... and about good manners, it varies person to person , based on family background, education, association, etc many variables :)

Well, I am talking about ladies of my generation

pparks1 · 25 Oct 2011

It certainly is on the decline. However, I find that I do things similar to you. I hold doors open (but I do this for men, women and children). I've never experienced a woman yelling at me for patronizing her though...guess i have been lucky.

I will let a person go ahead of me in the grocery store if they have just a few items. I shovel the sidewalks for my neighbors when it snows and I am the first one out in the morning. And I will gladly give up my seat to another person if people are standing.

Athene · 25 Oct 2011

As a lady, I must say that I regard it as a sign of very poor manners if the door is not held open (especially if I'm carrying a tall stack of books or have both hands occupied, which often happens) or if someone places their dirty shoes on the seat - that's disgusting and anti-social.
Whether guy or gal - a display of antisocial behaviour is a sign of lacking respect...and courtesy certainly seems to be dying a painful death where especially the younger generation is concerned :-/

noobvious · 25 Oct 2011

I think manners are on the decline.

As far as me personally, I'll hold the door for anyone if they're within a few steps. If someone lambasted me for actually holding a door for them, I would just walk away, but for a split second I'd think about what it would feel like to slam the door on them.

The young woman on the bus that seavixen32 mentions, if I had been in that situation I would certainly have been tempted to give her a piece of my mind in equivalent language. Would I have actually done it? Probably not.....depends on how far she had gone. I do think of myself as a nice guy, after all.

severedsolo · 25 Oct 2011

Just my $0.02....

I personally see equality as a two way street. My attitude is very much, I will not treat a woman any differently than I would treat a man. You can't pick and choose which bits you want, its all or nothing in my book.

Having said that, I will personally open the door for anyone if they are close enough, I wouldn't get up to open a door for a woman, but if I am going through the door, and they are behind me, or have their hands full, then I would hold it, just like I would for anyone else.

Certainly, I think chivalry is, or at least should be dead. Manners on the other hand, are a different story. If someone gives me an earful for holding a door for them, I would just turn around and say "Well fine, next time I'll let it slam in your face" and walk away.

pebbly · 25 Oct 2011

My Father always taught me to let the man go through the door first ,Just in case there is anything nasty lurking behind it

noobvious · 25 Oct 2011

pebbly said:

My Father always taught me to let the man go through the door first ,Just in case there is anything nasty lurking behind it

seavixen32 · 25 Oct 2011

Pebbly - you're too much!

Arc · 25 Oct 2011

pebbly said:

My Father always taught me to let the man go through the door first ,Just in case there is anything nasty lurking behind it