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Windows 7: And you think English is easy, think again

10 Jan 2014   #1
whs
Microsoft MVP

Vista, Windows7, Mint Mate, Zorin, Windows 8
 
 
And you think English is easy, think again

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture..

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert..

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.


PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Jan 2014   #2

Win 7 Ultimate 64 bit
 
 

You nailed English quite well. It's a language of shady parentage (forum software censored the B word I tried to use) with origins in the Old High German, Old French (essentially a mixture of Frankish and Norse), Norse, various Celtic languages, and Latin. And, if that wasn't bad enough, English devolves due to lazy speakers of the language. The English, who "invented" the language, are the worst for butchering an already butchered language, frequently deleting syllables, dropping Rs from some words and adding them to the end of other words where they don't belong. Yeesh!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Jan 2014   #3
Microsoft MVP

Windows 7 Ultimate X64 SP1
 
 

I love it Wolfgang, it seems like a routine Gallagher could have done.
Why doesn't cough, rough, slough, rhyme? When there's a breeze do you feel a draft or a draught? Is that drought?

My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Jan 2014   #4

 

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f".. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Jan 2014   #5

Microsoft Windows 7 Home Premium 64-bit 7600
 
 

u got to be phoking joking ja?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Jan 2014   #6

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Ult. x64 Windows 8.1 x64 Ubuntu 12.04 LTS Tri-Boot
 
 

Quote   Quote: Originally Posted by z3r010 View Post
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
Hahaha
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Jan 2014   #7

Win 7 Ultimate (64-bit), Win 8.1.1 (64-bit)
 
 

English certainly isn't consistent, is it? Unfortunately for me, it's the only language I know.

BTW, this one -> "13) They were too close to the door to close it." begs to be changed to something like, "The two of them were too close to the door to close it."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Jan 2014   #8
whs
Microsoft MVP

Vista, Windows7, Mint Mate, Zorin, Windows 8
 
 

There is one good rule in German - every letter is pronounced and sequences of letters are always pronounced the same way. If the German grammar would not be so damn complex, German would indeed be easier than English because in terms of pronounciation, there are no real mysteries.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Jan 2014   #9
Microsoft MVP

Windows 7 Ultimate X64 SP1
 
 

As a native English speaker, I'm not sure of this. I have heard that English is one of the hardest languages to learn if one isn't born into it.

I think what we speak in the US is American, not English although very similar. If you'd ask one of us for a torch, you'd get something other than a hand held light.

Opinions?
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Jan 2014   #10
whs
Microsoft MVP

Vista, Windows7, Mint Mate, Zorin, Windows 8
 
 

Nah, that's not so. If it was not for the lack of any pronounciation rules, English would be the easiest language of those that I know.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
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