Windows 7 Forums

Welcome to Windows 7 Forums. Our forum is dedicated to helping you find support and solutions for any problems regarding your Windows 7 PC be it Dell, HP, Acer, Asus or a custom build. We also provide an extensive Windows 7 tutorial section that covers a wide range of tips and tricks.


Windows 7: Jokes Thread [4]

17 Feb 2015   #231
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 



A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
28 Feb 2015   #232
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

Fifty Shades of Golf:

Four guys have been going on the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years.

Two days before the group is to leave, John's wife Paula puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. John's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find John sitting at the bar with four drinks set up! "Wow John, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since last night. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and Paula came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie.

She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. Well she's been reading ‘50 Shades of Grey’... On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

"So... Here I am!"

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
01 Mar 2015   #233
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank Goodness for the church ladies with computers. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------

Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------

The sermon this morning:'Jesus Walks on the Water.’The sermon tonight:'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------

Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
---------------------

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
--------------------------

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------

Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
--------------------------

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
And this one just about sums them all up...

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
.

19 Apr 2015   #234
DocBrown

Win7 Enterprise, Win7 x86 (Ult 7600), Win7 x64 Ult 7600, TechNet RTM on AMD x64 (2.8Ghz)
 
 
Facts About Crows

Just when you thought you knew everything!









A fact you won't soon forget about crows.



Researchers for the MassachusettsTurnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern thatthey may have died from AvianFlu.



A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts; however, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws.



By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.



MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills. He very quickly concluded the cause:When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.








They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Truck."












































My System SpecsSystem Spec
19 Apr 2015   #235
Ranger4

Windows 7 Home Premium 64 bit sp1
 
 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
19 Apr 2015   #236
Lady Fitzgerald

Win 7 Ultimate 64 bit
 
 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
19 Apr 2015   #237
VistaUltimate

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64 bit
 
 

There was an elderly man who had Parkingson.

His son worked in a parking lot,so his father stayed with Parkingson.

(translated)
My System SpecsSystem Spec
20 Apr 2015   #238
JustCall

Windows 8.1 Pro 64bit
 
 

Rofl
My System SpecsSystem Spec
20 Apr 2015   #239
VistaUltimate

Windows 7 Ultimate SP1 64 bit
 
 

There was a student (boy) in Senior High School with his teacher who was teaching Religious Studies. She had a ponytail. He asked her: "How will I look with that ponytail?". She replied: "You'll look like an a****le!" Then the whole class laughed.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
14 May 2015   #240
A Guy

Microsoft Community Contributor Award Recipient

Windows 7 Home Premium x64 SP1
 
 

Dave stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity.

He waggled, looked up, looked down... waggled again, but didn't start his back swing.

Finally his exasperated partner Roy asked, 'What the hell is taking so long?'

'My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony,' Dave explained. 'I want to make a perfect shot.'

His companion Roy shook his head and said, 'You don't have a chance in hell of hitting her from here.'

A Guy
My System SpecsSystem Spec
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search


Similar help and support threads
Thread Forum
Computer jokes!
Rules: ------------------ One joke per post No repeating of jokes ------------------ Il start: What do you call a computer with no graphics?
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread [3]
:note: continued from - http://www.sevenforums.com/chillout-room/106614-jokes-thread-2 ****** 22 ADULT TRUTHS ****** 1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you...
Chillout Room
IT Jokes
If you can read German, then you will appreciate: Die schlechtesten IT-Witze - Derber Humor ohne Gewähr | TecChannel.de
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread 2
This is jokes thread! Post your best jokes! :D I will start first! :p A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."...
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
Person 1:Knock Knock Person 2:Whos there? Person 1: Boo Person 2: Boo who? :huh: Person 1: ZOMG WHY U CRYIN??!? :p
Chillout Room
Jokes Thread
This is jokes thread! Post your best jokes! :D I will start first! :p A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."...
Chillout Room


Our Sites

Site Links

About Us

Find Us

Windows 7 Forums is an independent web site and has not been authorized, sponsored, or otherwise approved by Microsoft Corporation. "Windows 7" and related materials are trademarks of Microsoft Corp.

© Designer Media Ltd

All times are GMT -5. The time now is 21:52.

Twitter Facebook Google+



Windows 7 Forums

Seven Forums Android App Seven Forums IOS App