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Windows 7: Jokes Thread [4]

06 Mar 2014   #1

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

No sex after surgery ...




A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, Anne Maynard,

has sued St Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband had surgery there,

he lost all interest in sex.





A hospital spokesman replied ...

"Mr. Maynard was admitted in Ophthalmology - all we did was correct his eyesight."
My System SpecsSystem Spec
08 Mar 2014   #2

Windows 8.1 Pro w/Media Center 64bit, Windows 7 HP 64bit
 
 

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads..."
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08 Mar 2014   #3

Windows 8 - 64-bit
 
 

that's the best one yet !!!
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Mar 2014   #4

Windows 8.1.1 64bit
 
 

Forecast


To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog.


If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining.


But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.


If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy.


If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing.


Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.


Sincerely, The CAT
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Mar 2014   #5

Win7 H.Prem. 32bit+SP1
 
 

Did you hear about the man who ended up in hospital after making French Toast ?
He burned his tongue on the toaster.
My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Mar 2014   #6

Windows 8.1 Pro w/Media Center 64bit, Windows 7 HP 64bit
 
 

Jokes Thread [4]-french-passport.png


My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Mar 2014   #7

Windows 8.1.1 64bit
 
 

My System SpecsSystem Spec
10 Mar 2014   #8
Microsoft MVP

Windows 7 Ultimate X64 SP1
 
 

S O M E T I M ES



Sometimes....when you cry....
no one sees your tears.




Sometimes....when you are in pain....
no one sees your hurt.




Sometimes....when you are worried....
no one sees your stress.




Sometimes....when you are happy.....
no one sees your smile.





-




-




-




But FART !! just ONE friggin' time.....
And everybody notices!!
And You thought this was going to be one of those
heart-touching stories!

My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 Mar 2014   #9

Win7 Pro-64 Bit
 
 

Perils of a Catholic Upbringing

As I walked down the busy sidewalk, knowing I was late for Mass, my eye fell upon one of those unfortunate, homeless vagabonds that are found in every city these days.


Some people turned to stare. Others quickly looked away as if the sight would somehow contaminate them.


Recalling my old pastor, Father Mike, who always admonished me to 'care for the sick, feed the hungry and clothe the naked,' I was moved by some powerful inner urge to reach out to this unfortunate person.


Wearing what can only be described as rags, carrying every worldly possession in two plastic bags, my heart was touched by this person's condition.


Yes, where some people saw only rags, I saw a true, hidden beauty.


A small voice inside my head called out, 'Reach out, reach out and touch this person!'








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So I did........










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I won't be at Mass this week.


My System SpecsSystem Spec
11 Mar 2014   #10

Windows 8.1 Pro w/Media Center 64bit, Windows 7 HP 64bit
 
 

When I saw her picture a Jimmy Buffet song came to mind. Can you name it. Its initial are WDWGDAS.

The answer can be found here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?featur...&v=zH-cPckntEY

Jim
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